falling back on shoulds

You know there is a lot I could write about. A bunch of things happened in the 5 days I didn't blog like a lovely valentines day but mediocre dinner, my guilt over eating tuna, driving up north and narrowing down a list of cabins to view in the future, and an irritating 4+ day headache that peaked last night into a killer migraine.

But instead of chatting about all that I find myself pondering the "shoulds" that come up in my life. Sometimes I can see the should peeking over the shrubbery and I avoid it triumphantly.

However I am starting to realize that sometimes I actively seek out shoulds. I believe I use shoulds as convenient short cuts. When I have a decision to make and I don't feel like I have the time to even think about it I fall back on a should. The only problem with this is I feel uneasy afterwards, inauthentic. It may be the right decision but because I have all kinds of shoulds tangled up in there with it I have no clarity.

Writing this all out has reminded me of a fairly quick decision making technique. Not my original idea. I think I first read about it as a child in Anne of the Island. An indecisive character started to make decisions based on 'just to do what I would wish I had done when I shall be eighty' this doesn't always work but when it does it works beautifully. The resulting decision ends up feeling very authentic and right somehow. Now I just need to remember to do it.

Brow furrowed no longer I go back into the world.