first freak out

I have had time to think over the past few days and had my first official freak out about the wedding. I think it was nudged by my mother's concern that my sleeveless dress won't cover my tattoo which 'won't look very elegant'. I laughed it off but it totally fed into my 'why am I wearing a ivory dress?' thoughts. Then it just blossomed into: it's all too traditional and too weird and no one will have a nice time and why the heck are we doing this; we're gay and maybe my fiancee hates everything we planned and eloping is sounding pretty good and, and, and.

DF reassured me that the reasons we made the plans we made are still valid. We could have planned a romantic woodland ceremony but that would have been iffy in October as well as quite hard on our elderly guests. No this isn't the only type of wedding we would like but it will be nice, and then we'll have a great dinner and party afterwards.

I reassured myself that I do not have to wear the dress I bought if I decide not to. Although I think I'll love it once it is altered to me. I am not stuck with it. I can go buy dark red if I want. I basically feel more rational again so that is good. Wow weddings are something.

I also enjoyed reading Stalling's: 'offbeat Bride' and Wicoff's: 'I do but I don't'. Both quite thought provoking though coming from a straight feminist perspective is not always the same as a gay perspective.