Overheard in the lunch line

As I waited to pay for my turkey, gravy and broccoli I became aware that the cashier was talking politics with the person in front of me. I felt myself start to clench. I have noticed I am always bracing for rejection from people who identify as republican or christian. Sad I know but that is how it is for me right now.

Then the cashier said, 'But I have a lot of gay friends so of course I am not voting for that amendment." The customer warmly agreed with her and the ball of ice in my stomach started to thaw in the safety they had unknowingly created.

After all this time it is still hard to come out over and over again in daily situations and interactions. But 'coming out' does mean something, it does increase our safety and it can feel very unsafe at the same time. I wanted to thank them both for their support but I was overwhelmed by pain and relief. So I thank them now and also their friends who came out to them.

My wife and I got married this month five years ago. They have gone by in a flash. I wonder if we'll have our third wedding here within the next five years?

hosting a wedding

Yesterday we did a new thing and hosted a wedding in our home. My writing partner and her true love were married in front of our dining room window overlooking the herb garden. Little did I know last spring when I designed the garden that dear friends would want to get married with that as a back drop.

Naturally one thing went wrong, I broke the coffee maker an hour before the guests arrived. Our neighbors, who are dolls, loaned us their coffee maker for the afternoon.

The flowers looked lovely. My one sister-in-law watched our noisy dog, who is very hard to handle at indoor parties. My other sister-in-law helped out in the kitchen during the most crucial two hours. Very few presents were brought, which is great because it can be hard to keep track of such things at a wedding.

I think it went well, everyone seemed happy, the falling snow happened after everyone had arrived. The food was enjoyed. Every scrap of my artichoke dip was eaten, as well as multiple cheeses, pate, smoked salmon, caviar and other yummy stuff.

My writing partner carried the handkerchief carried by my mother [and me and my niece and...] at her wedding over 60 years ago. For good luck.

The mocha wedding cake [not made by me] was truly decadent yet somehow light. It was the right size, most of it was eaten.

The couple getting married were radiant and their jack russell made an adorable ring bearer.

My wife and I were too tired to go to the after party down the street, which was a shame but we took a short stroll through the snow globe that was our neighborhood last night and slept the sleep of the satisfied.

It was truly a delight. I recommend hosting a wedding to anyone. :)

back to weddings

A bit of exciting news. My wife and I are going to be hosting a wedding in less than 3 weeks.

Not only am I helping out a bit by hosting my old writing partner's whirlwind nuptials but I also ordered their cake for them to today. One of my favorite bakers is fitting in the last minute cake into her packed schedule. She is an artist so I merely relayed the couple's request for mocha and now we'll see what happens. I know it will be fabulous.

Other news, my word count...30,272. Could it be I'll finish a first draft in a month? stay tuned!

Best part of Iowa

We went to Iowa to pick up a car that we had bought. The trip went quite well. The weather was great. The car, though even dirtier than we expected, is great. [saab 9-5 with hail damage] It was wonderful spending several hours connecting with my wife after being gone for 8 days. I usually have great luck finding places to eat, although that didn't happen this time we had snacks in the car.

The best part though was at a rest stop in Iowa. We were walking around a bit, stretching our legs and headed for the building and my wife turned to me and said. 'We can get married here'.

It was awesome to realize that.

Here it is Samhain and I am not sure what we will be doing. I did take the day off but it seems like my long illness that was October really put a damper on my planning gene. We'll see how the day unfolds.

I am remembering those who left this past year, especially Dan. May memories of your ancestors and loved ones be of a comfort to you.

fourth first one

Yesterday we celebrated our fourth anniversary. The weather was eerily summer-like similar to 2007. We left for dinner with light shirts and no jackets. I wore sandals. We seriously considered eating out on the patio, it was so warm.

We finally made it to Heidi's, our first time since their opening in their new location [after the fire] I enjoyed my meal but my head cold affected my tastebuds. My healthy wife said it was one of the best meals she had all year. [and remember we ate at Chez Panisse in March]

Parking is miserable over there and we got lucky with on street parking. The new space is lovely and so is the patio. I am fortunate to have reservations there next week with friends hopefully by then I'll be able to appreciate and taste the food.

Besides being happy about getting married 4 years ago to a wonderful woman who I love more each year [so cliche but true] I also thought about this blog. This blog originally from my being engaged to be married and all that entailed for me. In a way this blog is a child of those marriage plans. For the first time I wondered "if I hadn't said yes, would I even be blogging now"?

I can't imagine not being married right now. Barring the unknown, it is where I plan to stay. And in a similar manner I feel that way about blogging, it just fits somehow.

Love to all the unlikely partnerships out there.

it is a bit embarassing

But rock on Mexico.

One of my best moments of my vacation was last Wednesday night. Phone service is spotty in central Michigan, there aren't any computers so I fall out of touch with the rest of the world but during one of the intermissions they announced from the stage that Prop 8 had been ruled unconstitutional. The cheers rang out and I burst into tears feeling like my heart was soaring? singing? Just feeling I guess. It was intense in the best way.

There I was with a celebrating group thousands strong. And I was reminded that life is very good and there is so much to find joy in and to have all those women to celebrate it with was just icing on the cake.

The sangha of woman at the MWMF is a beautiful and uplifting experience though full of very imperfect beings, myself included. But the transcending of all our individual pains and imperfections is a glorious thing. This is one of the reasons I go; to remember how to be a part of a community and to feel safety.

the second first one

Yesterday was our second anniversary of our first wedding.
In so many ways these 2 years have whizzed by. It seems a bit odd to think 'here we go onto year 3'. But odd in the best way. My parents sent the sweetest card. I feel so lucky for their support.

We both worked during the day so we had BLTs at home and went to the Guthrie for rush tickets and saw The Importance of Being Ernest. It was a very fun evening, and it's a delight to see a classic at the Guthrie, but mostly it's wonderful being married to this amazing woman.

The woman I married is an incredibly kind, generous, brilliant person. I have always been in awe of her brain, of her amazing creativity. I can't believe I married a physicist! I feel blessed that we joined our lives together. I believe that we truly do support each other in ways that nurture strength and change and insight. Mostly I feel lucky.

I truly hope that my sweetheart's next year will be made smooth and effortless.

the honeymoon-Friday

I think this was the morning I actually managed to sleep later than 6 am. It was pretty nice. Breakfast I think was french toast which was good but far to sweet for me since I don't eat sugar. Luckily we had cheese and nuts in the fridge in our kitchen.

We left after breakfast to hit the local shopping center. I wanted to pick up a few things for the wedding and my sweetie did a load or two of laundry. Those bikes were so great for using around Victoria. I bought some red roses and tied myself up a bouquet and we got dressed. The weather was fabulous, sunny and warm, we were so happy we would be able to get married outside in the garden right near our patio.

It was a lovely simple wedding. I wore a simple dress it was ivory [again] which really surprised me. My sweetie decided to wear just black pants, white shirt and her black silk blazer, a totally different look from the wedding at home. There were two witnesses, new victorian friends who brought gifts and our two hosts present. It was short and sweet. We all toasted everything we could think of as we stood on the patio and signed the paperwork. The we went out for a late lunch.

Our Canadian wedding was totally different from the one with family and a big party but still very meaningful for us.

the Honeymoon-Monday

Sunday evening we went for a short walk to Fisherman's wharf. Just to stretch our legs and be in Canada. Victoria is wonderful. It is cool and blustery.

We wake up on Monday, on our honeymoon in Canada. We have a fabulous breakfast of individual cranberry apple souffles and try to plan our day. Everyone in the B&B is super nice. It was kind of fun seeing the different people come and go, we were there 7 days. This is the day Canadians celebrate thanksgiving so it's a holiday for everyone. We have been looking at maps and talking. We want to look at the town, get some Canadian money. After an abortive start due to a forgotten wallet we go downtown and rent bikes so that we can get around more easily. We find the Internet cafe and check emails. DW send emails about a mutual Victorian friend, and I email officiants. We look poke into stores looking for a replacement dress and just looking. We find several downtown thrift stores, but they are all closed for the holiday.

I am frustrated and unsure what to do about the dress but other than that it is fun. There is sunshine and the harbor. We have some fabulous Chinese food for lunch and try to learn about the layout of the town and decide on the kind of things we want to do.

Find a grocery store and buy some staples like cheese and crackers and tea. We hang out in our digs, our Victorian friend has tried to call. I'll call my HN and tell her I don't have my dress. She assures me it is in my suitcase, somewhere between laughing and crying I assure her it's not. She was equally sure I had packed it. I give her the house sitter's number and ask her to go over to the house to see if she can find the dress. I'll call the house-sitter to give warning and apologize for any inconvenience. Roaming charges in Canada are pretty high I find out later. Luckily we have a phone in our room for all local calls.

I wonder around the public parts of the house a bit, it is all fabulous. DW had her first talk with our Victorian friend, hereby called VF. She gives us a long list of stuff to check out and things to do in Victoria. [we would need a month to do it all] We leave getting dinner until kind of too late and we are starving at 8:30. Because of the holiday we really should have been more organized. We eat fish in a hotel restaurant and it's not bad. We are just happy to be getting fed at that point. We walk home happy and fed and have a great night.

so the engagement's over...wedding weekend sunday

So that's it right, here we are married and the engagement is completed [successfully] so no more blog. right?


well not exactly, because we still had our wedding in Canada. I'm still in mid story and I really want to finish.


So last post the reception was over and all things were great. And stuff kept happening.


I wake up early that morning, we had house guests the night before and they need to get to the airport. The twin cities marathon is being run that morning and it's route closes all the quickest routes to the airport. But I get them there is a timely fashion and get home to try to make sense of the chaos that is our home and pack for the honeymoon.


While trying to unearth and sort needed stuff, I look through a big box that came from the church the night before. This is the box with which the florist delivered the 6 bouquets and 8 corsages. There is still a corsage in there, yep my one sil never rsvp'd and never showed, but wait, there is a corsage in the clear bag marked "mothers".

The room and my head spins.

My mother never got her corsage. The flowers that I thought about so much, the flowers that she really enjoys. All those pictures, everyone else had their flowers but MY MOTHER. Why didn't anyone else notice??! I can barely understand why I was in no state to be organized, but how could my sisters, my chief ninja, the attendants, the head usher, my MOTHER herself not notice? Or did my mother notice and just not bring it up!! I feel like crying, all those pictures [that I still haven't seen 10/24] everyone else will have flowers but not her. I still feel badly about it. Everything else was small or I can let go of...even the cake I didn't get to taste. We can buy cake from that baker in that flavor...but my 81 year old mom and my wedding pictures. No flowers.

I knew things are never perfect but it hurts. So we proceed to get things ready for the house sitter. My sweetie's parents and 2 siblings come over to drop off sweetie's wallet that they took home by accident. DW's mom can barely be dragged away, she would have loved watching us open gifts. She even opens one of our wedding cards herself, I almost die from trying not to laugh. Finally they leave and we are still not packed.

Our ride to the airport, HN and HU, comes early, and they help us pack and try to keep our heads on. The first thing I do is wrap my Canadian wedding dress in a plastic bag for protection. Everything I am taking is going on the office bed along with the suitcase to get packed. It goes fairly well. We figure we'll buy stuff we end up needing. They say they will drop off my mum's flowers at hotel after they take us to airport. They get us to airport in plenty of time.

The plane to Seattle is full and our seats are 20 aisles apart. There is nothing we can do but feel sad and try to sleep. We find edible food in the C terminal and get on our short airhop to Victoria. That goes well and customs into Canada goes quickly. There is a shuttle bus that goes into downtown Victoria that will take us to our B&B.

We get to the B&B at about 8pm. The hosts have gone out to eat but have left us keys. Our suite is fantastic and everything is great. We are on our honeymoon and very happy. We unpack and I realize that the dress that I had bought special to wear to get married in Canada is not in the suitcase. It is not in Canada with us. I cry from disappointment combined with exhaustion.

This is the moment for our hosts to knock on the door, I explain to them the room is great and we are fine. I'm just crying because my dress is AWOL. They are sympathetic. I have to laugh when I think of the spectacle I probably made of myself. We go to bed, breakfast is at 8:30.

the wedding weekend, saturday pt IV

-we did a receiving line with just the 2 of us then and there at the bottom of the steps going into the dining hall, worked great.
-we had some people who could only come for the ceremony
-we greeted everyone who wanted to be greeted
-apparently the cool IKEA candles we bought are faulty, most won’t stay lit, bummer.
-played salsa and other upbeat latin music during cocktail hour, HN did all digital music
-my attendants stood behind us with drinks [water and cider] available, and we needed them with all the talking-appetizers are yummy, we visited tables separately during this time.
-we both remember to thank the servers for their hard work when we see them
-I should have reminded attendants to get guests to sign guest pages.
-I basically stuck to water, I think I had barely one glass of champagne the whole night
-numerous hair compliments, people seemed to really like it, made my own hair vine in desperation.
-I change into comfortable un-bridal shoes. My sister scolds me I hope teasingly, 'you’re suppose to be beautiful not comfortable'
-the cookie table looks great and everyone seems to be munching to this transplanted Pittsburgh custom
-corner of room with ‘guestbook’ scrapbook pages is very dark, expensive church supervisor did not know how to turn the lights on in that area.
-we go and admire the cake, it looks beautiful.
-the cake toppers of a fish and pony generate a lot of useful chit chat.
-my favorite, I think from one of my sisters, was “why do you have a shark and an a$$ on your cake”
-dinner starts at 6:00, European lounge music played
-disposable cameras never got opened & put on tables [I am hoping I can return them]
- the pork is great, the polenta, which I usually dislike, is amazing, salad and sides yummy
-I actually remember eating and the food, and I ate slowly so that we are not jumping up done when other tables are still being waited on.
-the moh and HN toast us, it is lovely.
-sweetie had said she would prepare our thank you but she either froze or forgot…so we just stood and said thanks, I hope all knew it was heartfelt
-the band and singer have shown up and are getting ready in the library, I ask singer to point out guest book location and to invite others to dance with us during our first dance and fathers dance per spouse's urgent request
-it’s getting close to 7, we visit more tables, band starts about 7:15, I change back into dance shoes
-we dance to “At Last”, my sweetie hates dancing when so many are watching but people do join us as we asked
-we dance with our dads to “what a wonderful world”
-people are dancing and chatting and eating and its all very nice.
-we get so many compliments on the band and they were wonderful. They played a lot of classic nightclub jazz and big band. [piano, sax/clarinet, bass, drums and vocalist]
-a couple of ill or elderly people come up to say good bye they need to leave early.
-about 7:30 my now MIL comes up in panic. ‘when are you cutting the cake’
-I tell her during the first band break in about 20 minutes, she is very agitated ‘people are leaving’
-I guess I am heartless because I am thinking ‘then they don’t get cake… more cake for us’
-‘we want to leave now but we want cake’ she says ‘wtf?’ I think
-my fog is still hovering, so I just smile and say we’ll do it as soon as we can, I just want her to go away
-I try to think and talk with sweetie. I suggest we wait until the band plays another instrumental then we cut the cake, she agrees.
-I go inform the catering staff and photographer of the change
-we do the cake cutting while the band is playing, it’s a shame, I had people exclaiming in disappointment “we didn’t get to see you cut they cake” so I tell them why….sigh
-The servers forget to serve us cake, and when we go up to get some one flavor is already gone. Totally bums me out but I hear it was yummy.
-singer of band announces about guest book, more talking and dancing and fun is had.
-break music is fun electronic dance stuff
-at about 8:30 my one sister starts to make noises about leaving, which confuses me since it is so early, she knows the reception is going to be done by 10:30, we had planned an early night
-I still don’t know what was going on except one of my bil was ill, but basically my whole side of the family all leave in a mass exodus by 9…it was so strange
-except our parents are very elderly, we aren’t too surprised that they needed to leave
-all I have left is a nephew, one nephew returns later, I don’t realize it at the time but my niece is still in building with her husband
-they say they’ll name the baby after us if it happens
-we are down to about 3 tables and having a nice little unplanned “after party” with a live band
-we end about 10:20, clean up starts, a close friend is supervising the room being reset.
-we cart home gifts, nephews and niece cart home other stuff
-we get home at 10:45 and it is still 85 degrees outside, unreal for October.
-we change and chill, open all the lovely cards to help us come down…and get to bed
-still not packed for honeymoon, but we are married! And it was a great wedding.
-off for Canada in 12 hours.

the wedding weekend: saturday pt III

-thoughts of ‘why did I think this was such a good idea’ and ‘I’m going to get up in front of all these people and do what?’ race at alarming speed through my head
-I want to get married certainly but the way we chose to do it, eek!!
-I somehow make it through the crushing stage fright
-DF is unaffected herself and is supportive.
-HU lets us know she going to give the nod for the prelude solo “for the beauty of the earth” aka ‘kickoff song’
-It's silly but I hadn’t realized when you are the one that is getting married you don’t get to hear the prelude music [DF picked ceremony music] or see the candle-lighting DF’s brothers did.
-DF’s old friend who is a pianist sounds wonderful!
-girls set off to “prelude in C major” they all looked awesome
-we peek a bit through windows into sanctuary, can’t really see, no center aisle
-then to “Jesu, Joy of man’s desiring” DF goes off with parents, then I go with mine down the other aisle.
-now I am feeling happy and just a bit nervous
-we are standing there with minister who look motherly and calm, and I think ‘oh yeah, people need to see this, this is why we are doing it’
-after welcome stuff we all sit down at back of stage for readings, homily and first solo
-DF whispers that she is scared and is sweating a lot, we hold hands
-someone forgot to put tissues on the pews for us.
-after readings DF tries to signal wedding party to stand and tries to stand herself.
-I’m holding her fast, she is a bit irritated then relieved when she remembers there is still homily and song to go
-DF’s father who is a retired Baptist minister gives great homily
-my niece also FG sings beautifully “Never-ending Road”
-now we get up, with HN behind me to hand it off I get DF a tissue
-we get married, vows, ring and all go well.
-second solo starts “Northern Sky”, we do sand ritual to side.
-there is a lot of giggling because the sand is not pouring due to the humidity it is very clumping and is like trying to pour old fashioned ketchup
-pianist & soloist are delighted everyone is laughing at us because they were never happy with how they did the song [everyone thinks they sounded wonderful]
-closing blessings and all, moh moves to piano to play recessional
-She plays wonderfully and after 20 seconds of “ode to joy” she slides musically into “I feel the earth move”
-everyone in the right age group laughs and wedding party leaves
-HU’s highly trained team [our nephews] move into action
-we run downstairs to dining hall to greet our guests and requests DF’s nephew to keep everyone out so that I can pee
-we are so happy, we did it and now can party! And I get to pee.
-everything was great and the hall looks wonderful.

the wedding weekend - saturday, part I

Different format…paragraphs are confusing me right now…

-I wake up at 8 am with sweetie[maybe got 6 hours of sleep]
-breakfast promised to me by houseguests not happening, they are sleeping in
-I grab some yogurt or something
-DF and I go to chiropractor who surprises us with a lovely gift.

-When back home I realize the cake vendor never sent me final amount for payment as promised
-it pours and pours down rain
-I call cake vendor and get amount
-I make out several last minute checks for people who need to get paid that day
-head ninja [=HN] comes to be a help and is as always
-HN takes a picture of each bride in kitchen before we are off
-I make several mistakes on checks, should not try to do this day of wedding.
-DF leaves for her hair appt.

-I spend time I don’t have giving houseguests directions to various places, I am totally spacey, feel fortunate I didn’t accidentally direct them to St Louis.
-gather stuff for church, HN is a goddess-send, nothing forgotten
-rain has stopped, it’s incredibly humid and heating up
-leave door unlocked for Head usher and other ninja so that they can use house to dress in if they want.

-I am 10 minutes late for hairdresser, I apologize profusely
-HN paints her nails while my hair gets done
-HU calls and says house is locked. [DF locked it between her hair and makeup appts]
-flower girl’s [she is 26] hair is done, so she goes to unlock house and do her thing, see her at church at 2.
-hair is fabulous, and given to me as a gift by my stylist, he assures me that it will stand up to the soaring heat and humidity which is totally freakish for Minneapolis in October.

-arrive at church at 12:30, only half hour later than my planned schedule
-met by church person I am paying 25.00 an hour for 10+ hours to ‘oversee’ the building aka play computer games in the office.
-the church is fairly cool at least in the dining hall and in the sanctuary, the ‘brides room’ and the rest of building is hot and stuffy, I think to myself ‘good thing I warned people [except DF] to dress elsewhere’.
-my sister who promised to be the ‘day of coordinator’ and who has tons of experience is not there even though she was due to arrive at noon.

-church person tells me my ‘flower lady’ is up in sanctuary. I stare blankly probably with mouth open.
-then I realize it’s my florist making her delivery--duh
-I go into see florist who greets me with ‘do you have any leaves?’ more blank staring on my part, before I answer that unfortunately I do not.
-florist nods at pew bows my sister made ‘these are much too blue, they need leaves. I’ll get some’ and she strides decisively out to the street to collect leaves to insert in pew arrangements.
-I enjoy a refreshing giggle fit about leaves and the flowers all look wonderful

-photographer arrives and starts setting up
-My HN and I do our make up and get dressed, yep we are gorgeous.
-we request a fan for extremely hot bride’s room, the expensive church building supervisor cannot find one anywhere
-HU and ninja arrive not dressed and get dressed up on third floor, I’m surprised they didn’t melt

-yes it is 87 degrees and not raining.

- I realize that people being crabby or worried or late is just not bothering me, I let go
-My sisters arrive hour+ late and apologize, I'm in daze, neither one is dressed.
-it’s 1:00, df has not arrived so we can't start taking pictures
-I’m in a pleasant fog and nothing is bothering me much.

the wedding weekend - Friday

My sweetie had to work this day as well. I got up early, picked my sister up from her hotel and we went to the florist to pick up the green garland for decorating. I got to see my bouquet and it was beautiful. Picked up my other ninja who is car-less. A quick run to the store to pick up a few things and umbrellas for out of town people because it is still raining. These umbrellas were forgotten in the trunk by sister who was going to deliver them. Oh well. Her car was loaded up with stuff to take to church at 2 pm for decorating, I dropped her back at hotel.

Later that morning I picked up at airport 2 of my oldest friends from Pennsylvania. Planes are running late. We all grabbed some lunch and I tried to get organized and loaded all the rest of the stuff and 7 people into 2 cars to go to church. We were crammed to the gills. Luckily the church is only 2.5 miles away, I started laughing when I realized that the flowers from the farmer’s market were cooling on the garage floor, but even if we had remembered them we wouldn’t have had the room. We met the head ninja and usher at church, everyone unloaded and I made a quick trip with HU to transport the flowers.

Eventually everyone including my sisters arrived at church and we started decorating. We were starting hours late because the church changed the time I was allowed in at the last minute, instead of starting at 11 am we couldn’t get in until 2 pm.. After lots of work, the place is looking lovely. Everyone has an opinion but people are getting along quite well. I find out way after the fact that my sweetie was freaked out and had stopped at her parents place first because her father had been having arm pains for a couple of days and she was afraid he was having an attack [but he wouldn't get checked out]. She is relieved when her father arrives feeling fine for rehearsal. Her mother doesn’t make it, and neither does one of the bridesmaids.

By a bit after 5pm everyone not in the wedding had left, and we went up to rehearse. One of my dear nephews stayed down in the hall cleaning silverware. We were at our grubbiest. The rehearsal goes fine. I got a bit testy when people tried to mess with the processional order which was decided weeks ago and I so didn’t want to discuss it over again.

Rehearsal over we all scattered to change for dinner at sil’s house. We arrived late ourselves after changing and picking up people. Many planes arrived late, my family waited for planes to land and so arrived to rehearsal very late. My parents [both in their 80’s] were exhausted from decorating and skipped the dinner entirely.

It was a very nice dinner but we realized coming home that after the church messed up all the timing of everything we should have just canceled the rehearsal dinner, it would have been so much easier on everyone. Oh well, next time we get married we’ll know better. We realized then and there we wouldn’t be meeting anyone for brunch on Sunday morning since that was the only time we had to pack for our honeymoon. We stayed up writing notes to all the special helpers to go with the gifts we bought them.

the wedding weekend -thursday

Here is the first post on the last days of my engagement.

I was extremely short on sleep this day 10/4 because late Wednesday night that I found a huge error on the program [I left out a major wedding party name] and ended up having to reprint 80 pages. This went slowly, since I was printing at high quality on a photo printer. Some there thought I was wacko for correcting the error at all, I could see their point, I calmly listened to their advice but explained that it was very important to me that those who were putting themselves out for us that day be in the program [or what is the point of programs]. I’m glad I caught the error then not Friday night, but I feel bad about the paper wastage. I did my best to not feel jealous of houseguests who were getting way more sleep than I was. It rained quite a bit that week. My mum assured me on 10/2 that it would not rain during the wedding 10/6, I am not sure why I cared so much about the weather. We were not getting married outside. My sweetie had to work all wedding week until about 3:30 on Friday. She did her best to help and run errands in the little time she had that week.

I got up early Thursday to pick up flowers for centerpieces and other decorations from the farmer’s market. Mum [florist in residence] came along to inspect, Dad to help carry. Daisy/mums, snaps, ivy, alstromeria and hypericum berries. We were only getting the 6 bouquets, the corsages for family and one big vase from the florist.
I ran over to the paper depot to get another pen for my chief ninja who wanted plum for the printing on the table designators. I did some work from home [paid work]

My eldest sister flew in late that morning to help. My super niece had already been in town for over a week helping and visiting, the head ninja showed up to help as well. My sister dived right in to updating the pew bows with berries and copper ribbon. My mom makes all the boutonnières using copper mums from the plant we bought weeks ago.

There was a lot of stamping that I think was continuing on that day, not by me. There were many leaves stamped on programs, cookie bags, escort cards etc, and the table designators were all leaves. “aspen table, birch table, beech table”. The afternoon is kind of a blur, but I did make it to yoga early that evening which was just what I needed. Then the evening is kind of a blur too, I know I was doing a lot of printing of menus, maps and so forth. And decided gift bags = nice idea that wasn’t going to happen. Let it go…

I know that evening I stamped the 20 drink/appetizer/menu cards myself. It was something I really wanted to do since everyone else had fun stamping while I was minding the printer and I wanted to give it a whirl. They did turn out lovely. Basically all crafty stuff was done by Thursday bed. No honeymoon packing got done. I got to bed late, no one could understand why I wasn’t getting more sleep and really I don’t get it either. Everyone else got more. It was like I wasn’t able to articulate the help I needed due to… stress or something.

Flowery Conditions

My fiancée and I love flowers! And today we picked up the flowers we ordered for the centerpieces. My mother who worked as a florist for years is doing the arrangements. It should be lovely and simple and fun. They are all coppery yellow, and red and creams with plum specks. There is ivy and garland. Tomorrow, I’ll see the bouquets, and I can’t wait. The boutonnières are wonderful copper mums.

All the family is coming in, everyone is talking and everything seems very loud. Most stuff is done and the few things that aren’t probably aren’t that important.. I know what I am wearing to get married in Canada.

The forecast for the weather on Saturday is improving. My mom said days ago, don't worry it won't rain. I hope she is right, I scan the weather sites anxiously at least once a day like that will somehow change things.

There is such an outpouring of love with a tiny bit of crankiness and bossiness all around. It’s a fabulous experience. There are all kinds of secret surprises hovering in the background. I just need to try to get more sleep to enjoy it. My yoga and chi gong do help. So I am off to do just that!

Hair Today

So there seems to big a hair component to weddings. Or I could just speak for myself and say there is certainly a hair component to mine.

One of my attendants who has some of the most beautiful hair in the world is very nervous about how her hair is going to look for the wedding. My other attendant got hers done in a special color on the optimum day before the wedding. . I know that I don’t want to wear a veil but I don’t want to wear my hair the same every day way. This is not a simple option. Veils are the simple option. Even my fiancée is planning something for her naturally wavy locks which she is not sharing. I have no idea.

I had to have ‘test’ hair done since I was so unclear what I wanted to do. I panicked when I realized fresh flowers would not actually look good in my hair. I taught myself how to make my own hair vine. [Heck, I may start offering them online for brides who don’t want to pay an ungodly amount for one] I got a migraine from all the ‘product’ that was put into my hair and had to wash it out an hour later thereby ruining some of the ‘test’.

Perhaps it isn’t really about hair though. Or the fact that dozens of pictures will be taken.. Maybe hair is just the medium in which all of our nervousness can express itself. Because we are nervous and excited. We want to look good, we want to show this is a special day for us. We don’t want to cringe at the pictures afterwards that will help jog our memories.

We can’t quite believe we are doing this. We sometimes wish we were just eloping. We feel honored that so many friends and family are going to so much effort, are supporting and loving us. We are a bit sad the journey is almost over. We are quite tired. We want to have a great time. We are shocked at some of the things people say. We need a vacation.

Basically it’s a lot. And it seems that when we are overloaded we divert ourselves by focusing on hair. I now have a new understanding and attraction to wigs.

Starting Single

I read a line in the Wedding Goddess today. It was something like ‘you walk down the aisle single and come back married’. And I thought of how simple that sounds. It is simple I guess in some ways if you look at it a certain way. Of course you could then look at birth like a woman goes into the delivery room and comes out a mother but that is also a pretty bald and laughable statement. Because that time before the wedding [or before birth] takes a whole lot of effort.

My engagement period is almost over, in less than a week it will be my wedding day. I have not been in my single state all this time, it’s been different. It’s also been different from a partnered state.. I feel like I have been gestating this wedding, this marriage for months. Instead of constant trips to the bathroom and leg swelling it has been lists, phone calls, decisions and letting go. I have been ‘between’ two states for months [or in a third] and I am going to end up somewhere different after the wedding.

I notice I am pretty comfortable in my current state and rather disinclined to change it. Although exhausting and a big job and scary it is also fun to be engaged. It is fun to plan parties for your family and friends. It is fun to have loved ones reaching out in love and support. Heck opening all those boxes is fun too. [the recycling is a challenge though] Most importantly I have gotten used to it. I have been engaged since January, and it’s almost October. I am pretty good at this engaged stuff and here I am planning on changing it all and soon. I can barely remember what it was like to be single and I realize there is some stuff I will mourn and miss from this engagement.
Sometimes the next turn of the wheel surprises us and sometimes we get a preview for months prior either way-- we change.

A Fundamentalist Fact

It is a fact that saddens me…some people like their world in black and white. Us and them. Right and wrong. I like to think I understand and empathize with that fear that drives us to try to simplify and control our world, ourselves and others.

I certainly know that fear of the mind of the void after death – which may not be a void at all but then who knows? No one knows, unless they know the truth for themselves. I love to act like truth is abstract and that there is one truth for everyone, but I don’t really believe that. I know if I know anything that truth is different for each person, that our own awareness colors all of our lives and our world into our own unique experience.

I know that I want my brother to be free of danger, free of shame, physically happy and to live with ease. I can pray this for all beings. [even politicians :)]

I also know that it sucks that my only brother can’t see past his own fear and nose to love and accept me the way that I am. Happy and content right now. Not some viewpoint he has of me from 25 years ago.

It bites that he won’t be at the wedding.

vacated and invited

I know it is a cliche but where did the first 17 days of August go?! Time whizzed by.

Quite a bit of time was spent on vacation in the middle of the MI woods without phones, or computers or anything. It was pretty blissful. The only thing that would have made it better was if wedding elves had completed everything while we were gone but no such luck. But we are so lucky in our house-sitters I can't really complain, they were super.

We came home to a huge to do list and the number one priority was getting the map inserts done for the invitations and getting them in the mail. Getting the inserts printed took a surprisingly long time due to people melting down at the print shop at work. Not from my job I hasten to add, my job was just 1 double sided color page copied 10 times and cut apart. Pretty small as copy jobs go. But my timing must have been bad because it took a full 2 weeks to communicate enough to get them finally done. I almost gave up and went to Kinkos until I found out how much they would have charged for the same small job [about 6x more] so I just kept pitching and it got done. The majority of invites have already been mailed and it feels great. My dh just has to gather a few more addresses and that will be it.

What I have been noticing the most is how this huge list of stuff can over ride feelings and reactions and authenticity. I can see that I could get so involved in details or trying to remember things that I could forget to enjoy the process and enjoy the last part of my engagement. Hopefully just having this awareness will help me remember to be thankful and to feel joy and wistfulness and love that is pouring in from all around. It is truly something.