I had an new experience this week. A good friend got me a standby ticket to get to palm springs for an extra visit to my parents.
It was my first time flying standby and I found that all the information I had gathered had not really prepared me for what is was like. I think it's like gambling, I actually felt a rush at times wondering if I was going to make it on the plane. Or the next or the one after that.
Turns out that I'm not any more lucky at getting on a plane for standby than I am at games of chance. But it was an interesting experience, people are so kind. For me though it was all "standing by" and no flying. It was really odd to make it to the gate[s] and then end up leaving the airport anyway having failed to get on a plane. Like moving backwards through time or something.
It really showed me the story I had embedded 'go to airport, get on plane, arrive new place'. It was rather fun making room for a new path, like a mental yoga stretch.
So now I have a free weekend I didn't know I would have and I am really looking forward to it. It feels absolutely luxurious, and I hope to really experience it mindfully. I am sad about missing my mother's birthday but I know another trip will work out in the future.
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
a february wrap up
As I heal I find I am thinking about writing again and the doing is slowly coming. But I realize there is no way I can catch up on this past month, so I'll try to just hit the highlights and look forward to starting March afresh.
Imbolc this year found me in CA spending all my time taking care of my parents. These visits although it's a nice change to be away from the snow are never vacations. There is always stuff to be done. This year it was ferrying them around to many, many doctor appointments. I felt sick but I just kept ignoring it except when the dry cough became troublesome. I was just very focused on my parents.
Then the first weekend of February found me feeling exhausted, still coughing and with a temperature that was creeping up to 101 most evenings. The first Sunday I went to English country dancing to prepare for the ball and it was tough. On the way home I realized I was getting some kind of bumps all over my scalp.
By Monday the bumps were all over my face and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I wasn't thinking too clearly, due to the fever probably, but my wife got me into my doctor and I was diagnosed with chicken pox. Everything you have heard about it being worse for adults is true. I was put on antiviral medication and just felt completely out of it for the rest of the week.
By Valentine's day I was feeling a bit better and able to work some from home since I was still contagious. I had not left the house for over a week at this point. I went back to the office the 17th and made it the whole day.
IMAD was the next day and the Marys celebrated with a low key afternoon of pleasure. Even fun things tired me out a lot after a few hours. But it was nice to do some fun ritual stuff.
The following week I concentrated on working and restarting my meditation practice. Health continued to spiral up and down. I even had several nights of exhausted insomnia. I tried my best to not push too much. I admired my wife's sewing. My scalp healed enough to get my hair cut.
So here I am wrapping up February, still speckled but healing. Hoping I'll be able to do at least some dancing at the ball next weekend. Buying play tickets and plane tickets and still trying to be kind to myself. Looking forward to March and spring.
I really appreciate all the sympathy and good cheer that people sent this month. It really did help.
Imbolc this year found me in CA spending all my time taking care of my parents. These visits although it's a nice change to be away from the snow are never vacations. There is always stuff to be done. This year it was ferrying them around to many, many doctor appointments. I felt sick but I just kept ignoring it except when the dry cough became troublesome. I was just very focused on my parents.
Then the first weekend of February found me feeling exhausted, still coughing and with a temperature that was creeping up to 101 most evenings. The first Sunday I went to English country dancing to prepare for the ball and it was tough. On the way home I realized I was getting some kind of bumps all over my scalp.
By Monday the bumps were all over my face and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I wasn't thinking too clearly, due to the fever probably, but my wife got me into my doctor and I was diagnosed with chicken pox. Everything you have heard about it being worse for adults is true. I was put on antiviral medication and just felt completely out of it for the rest of the week.
By Valentine's day I was feeling a bit better and able to work some from home since I was still contagious. I had not left the house for over a week at this point. I went back to the office the 17th and made it the whole day.
IMAD was the next day and the Marys celebrated with a low key afternoon of pleasure. Even fun things tired me out a lot after a few hours. But it was nice to do some fun ritual stuff.
The following week I concentrated on working and restarting my meditation practice. Health continued to spiral up and down. I even had several nights of exhausted insomnia. I tried my best to not push too much. I admired my wife's sewing. My scalp healed enough to get my hair cut.
So here I am wrapping up February, still speckled but healing. Hoping I'll be able to do at least some dancing at the ball next weekend. Buying play tickets and plane tickets and still trying to be kind to myself. Looking forward to March and spring.
I really appreciate all the sympathy and good cheer that people sent this month. It really did help.
one of my favorite guy things
Cologne. I love men's cologne. I like to wear it, I like to smell it on others. It's amazing how a great smelling guy passing me in the parking lot can perk up my morning. [gay men usually smell best in my world, oh and my best friend]
I had several yummy cologne experiences this week, not sure why all the great smelling fragrances were around but it was lovely. And I managed to not ask one single stranger 'what is that fabulous scent?' Which is good because I always worry how a stranger would take it. It seems to me like such a personal remark to make about someone even if it's a compliment. Not sure why that is....
Anyway over the past few days I was thinking about men's cologne and 'remembering' how I first noticed it as a college freshman. There was a French Canadian guy who just smelled so wonderful, I wanted to follow him around sniffing rapturously. I can't remember what it was called, began with a P....again BF will probably know.
Then today I remembered it was father's day, I was thinking about Dad and I realized that I liked men's cologne way before college. I used to pick stuff out for my boyfriend in high school and before that I liked how my Dad smelled. I think it was Yardley or something...
That made me wonder if perhaps I learned to like men's cologne because I just liked my Dad so much when I was little [still do] My Dad loves kids and was also working from home until I was 8 so I saw a lot of him during my formative years. I hung out with him in his shop for hours. I feel so lucky that I got to spend that time with him.
Sigh, he will be 85 next month and I only get to see him a couple of times a year now. I miss him and feel so grateful that he is still around, that I can pick up the phone and talk to him. And I love smelling wonderful scents and thinking he started me on this enjoyable road.
I had several yummy cologne experiences this week, not sure why all the great smelling fragrances were around but it was lovely. And I managed to not ask one single stranger 'what is that fabulous scent?' Which is good because I always worry how a stranger would take it. It seems to me like such a personal remark to make about someone even if it's a compliment. Not sure why that is....
Anyway over the past few days I was thinking about men's cologne and 'remembering' how I first noticed it as a college freshman. There was a French Canadian guy who just smelled so wonderful, I wanted to follow him around sniffing rapturously. I can't remember what it was called, began with a P....again BF will probably know.
Then today I remembered it was father's day, I was thinking about Dad and I realized that I liked men's cologne way before college. I used to pick stuff out for my boyfriend in high school and before that I liked how my Dad smelled. I think it was Yardley or something...
That made me wonder if perhaps I learned to like men's cologne because I just liked my Dad so much when I was little [still do] My Dad loves kids and was also working from home until I was 8 so I saw a lot of him during my formative years. I hung out with him in his shop for hours. I feel so lucky that I got to spend that time with him.
Sigh, he will be 85 next month and I only get to see him a couple of times a year now. I miss him and feel so grateful that he is still around, that I can pick up the phone and talk to him. And I love smelling wonderful scents and thinking he started me on this enjoyable road.
my mom played baseball
My mom lost her only brother the first week of December. She is the eldest and it was very unexpected for her. No one had any idea that he was so sick.
When I was visiting she was grieving. Remembering his first steps and she also told me the story of him breaking his arm while they were playing baseball. My mind screeched to a halt. My mother, engaged in a physical activity? My mother had never modeled any type of physical activity for me at all as a child. The idea of her playing at a sport, even informally, had my mind spinning. I always assumed she had been a 'bookworm' child, she was always so sedentary. She was never interested in any sports on tv.
I questioned her and she told me she had played baseball all through childhood, she had loved it but then her mother made her stop at 12 'because she was 'too big to be playing with boys', this was in 1938. I offered that perhaps if she had been born 50 years later she could have played softball at the Olympics and she told me that she was much too awkward.
A wave of unexpected fury washed over me. My mother had told me previously how her mother had told her she was awkward. Perhaps I thought bitterly if she had been allowed to play sports she would have been comfortable in her body. I didn't really believe she was ever awkward anyway. Then I sighed and relaxed my anger at my poor grandmother long dead and just enjoyed knowing something new about my mother.
She told me about how one of the girls who had been 4 years older than her had been a super player, she could never get a hit off of her. She smiled thinking of that old 'tomboy' friend who had later became a nun. I just smiled, my mother played baseball.
When I was visiting she was grieving. Remembering his first steps and she also told me the story of him breaking his arm while they were playing baseball. My mind screeched to a halt. My mother, engaged in a physical activity? My mother had never modeled any type of physical activity for me at all as a child. The idea of her playing at a sport, even informally, had my mind spinning. I always assumed she had been a 'bookworm' child, she was always so sedentary. She was never interested in any sports on tv.
I questioned her and she told me she had played baseball all through childhood, she had loved it but then her mother made her stop at 12 'because she was 'too big to be playing with boys', this was in 1938. I offered that perhaps if she had been born 50 years later she could have played softball at the Olympics and she told me that she was much too awkward.
A wave of unexpected fury washed over me. My mother had told me previously how her mother had told her she was awkward. Perhaps I thought bitterly if she had been allowed to play sports she would have been comfortable in her body. I didn't really believe she was ever awkward anyway. Then I sighed and relaxed my anger at my poor grandmother long dead and just enjoyed knowing something new about my mother.
She told me about how one of the girls who had been 4 years older than her had been a super player, she could never get a hit off of her. She smiled thinking of that old 'tomboy' friend who had later became a nun. I just smiled, my mother played baseball.
parental challenges
This past week got sucked up with my parents in the best way. Next time I am going away and thinking that I will have lots of time to write and blog and rest someone should shoot me an email and tell me to wake up! It just doesn't seem to work that way.
But that is ok, my parents are in their 80s and live in palm springs, I don't see them that often at all. I thought I would have a lot of down time with them but my mum was a powerhouse this week, I am amazed at all that we got done. Mostly xmas shopping and baking, but also a trip to Mexico for prescription refills.
The best part was really seeing my parents and spending concentrated time with them. It is so hard to say good bye though when I leave. I feel guilty that I am not around to care for them more. I also wonder if I will see them again.
I guess that is true of everyone we say good bye to we don't know for sure that we will see anyone again but with elderly parents the thought seems to be at the forefront. There was a surreal moment when I hugged my mum, and even though she is shorter than me somehow my head fit onto her shoulder and I was a little girl again.
It scares me so much that some day I will be a girl without a living mother, and yet I know virtually all women go through this. It is just a part of life. Not to be morbid, death just seems very close this month. oh well.
But that is ok, my parents are in their 80s and live in palm springs, I don't see them that often at all. I thought I would have a lot of down time with them but my mum was a powerhouse this week, I am amazed at all that we got done. Mostly xmas shopping and baking, but also a trip to Mexico for prescription refills.
The best part was really seeing my parents and spending concentrated time with them. It is so hard to say good bye though when I leave. I feel guilty that I am not around to care for them more. I also wonder if I will see them again.
I guess that is true of everyone we say good bye to we don't know for sure that we will see anyone again but with elderly parents the thought seems to be at the forefront. There was a surreal moment when I hugged my mum, and even though she is shorter than me somehow my head fit onto her shoulder and I was a little girl again.
It scares me so much that some day I will be a girl without a living mother, and yet I know virtually all women go through this. It is just a part of life. Not to be morbid, death just seems very close this month. oh well.
and now no sun
This was all set to post on Dec 7th, but then we had the power outage, read this like it is Monday.
Please note this is not a complaint, because really it is funny. It seems every time I go someplace like Yuma or Palm Springs where they have very little rain what does it do when I visit ...rain. Today it poured all day, it was a bit odd but it basically seemed like home, just a bit warmer. Except for all the palm trees which look really odd when it is grey, cool and raining. I think it is about 46 right now. It's worth it to see my parents though. I miss my home which is expecting a major snow tomorrow, and my sweet wife, but it is really lovely seeing them
They are so dear and so old and precious. I feel very conscious of enjoying them while I still have them.
Other news:
My word count is slowly creeping up: 53090 I am not really sure how to write this section and I feel pressed for time while I am here so slow progress I guess is good. I may just skip ahead and write the next part soon if inspiration doesn't strike.
Lots of randomness here today, a least partially in my head, and mexico to look forward to tomorrow, er wednesday, the power outage is delaying stuff.
Please note this is not a complaint, because really it is funny. It seems every time I go someplace like Yuma or Palm Springs where they have very little rain what does it do when I visit ...rain. Today it poured all day, it was a bit odd but it basically seemed like home, just a bit warmer. Except for all the palm trees which look really odd when it is grey, cool and raining. I think it is about 46 right now. It's worth it to see my parents though. I miss my home which is expecting a major snow tomorrow, and my sweet wife, but it is really lovely seeing them
They are so dear and so old and precious. I feel very conscious of enjoying them while I still have them.
Other news:
My word count is slowly creeping up: 53090 I am not really sure how to write this section and I feel pressed for time while I am here so slow progress I guess is good. I may just skip ahead and write the next part soon if inspiration doesn't strike.
Lots of randomness here today, a least partially in my head, and mexico to look forward to tomorrow, er wednesday, the power outage is delaying stuff.
there is sun here
Word count: 52698 some done on the plane
Seems like the past 2 days were spent getting here to Palm Springs. It is sunny and quite nice. And there are big piles of dirt and rock everywhere which people call mountains, but don't really do anything for me, I have to admit. Give me an ocean anytime
Still it's lovely to be seeing and helping my parents. It's even rather nice to miss my wife, I feel lucky to have such a nice one to miss. So onward to xmas shopping and baking this week. hohoho
And hopefully an increasing word total.
Seems like the past 2 days were spent getting here to Palm Springs. It is sunny and quite nice. And there are big piles of dirt and rock everywhere which people call mountains, but don't really do anything for me, I have to admit. Give me an ocean anytime
Still it's lovely to be seeing and helping my parents. It's even rather nice to miss my wife, I feel lucky to have such a nice one to miss. So onward to xmas shopping and baking this week. hohoho
And hopefully an increasing word total.
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