Remembering, Sadness and Food

My mum has been dead for a year and I been thinking about her a lot. It's a mixture of sadness and wanting to remember the things I really enjoyed about her. 

The memories of both my parents are intertwined with food. Which I know is quite typical in our culture, but it still is extra challenging for me right now as I am trying to heal my hyperinsulinemia, 

I find it interesting that when I want to focus on remembering my mum I first go to food related ideas. I remember the special German foods she loved to eat as rare treats so I planned a lunch for a few of us who knew her. 

Now I am thinking and wondering what other ways can I celebrate her that are not related to food. I have a feeling that answering this one question fully is something that make take me quite awhile. 

How do I remember my parents without food? How do I spend time with friends without food? How do the holidays and other celebrations happen without being solely focused on food? Vacations and food ..?

It's not that I want to or even think I can eliminate food-eating-specialness-celebrating from my life but I also would like it to stop being the center-point. 

I get very tired of thinking about food, however I know from the past if I try to ignore or avoid awareness then I will gain weight.As usual it comes back to awareness and identity. Both works in progress.

After a 9 day fast

I was very hopeful that one of the results of my 9 day fast would be that shorter fasts would seem easy in comparison.

This has not happened. (yet)  Will it ever I wonder?

Most evenings after work no matter what my brain is so cranky about me not eating at the 'right' time. Sometimes I can ignore it but sometimes not. In this scenario distraction is my friend.

Planning helps. I need to plan what I am doing in the hours between 5pm and 8pm to keep my fast going or else I struggle with automatically eating.

This week I will be working late one night and I should probably get the xmas tree un-decorated... I guess it is time.  lol

No new lows on the scale for me but my slacks are certainly looser than they were at the beginning of the month. I will enjoy that NSV.

Starting the year with a long fast

When 2019 started I was ready to focus again on my health goals without holiday distractions. I decided to attempt a 240 hour (ten day fast) the first ten days of the year. Previously my longest fast was 75 hours but I was ready to challenge myself.

It went fine (not easy but doable) until the end of the 9th day when I started to feel seriously, weirdly unwell and I made the decision to break my fast. It was the best decision. I completed 214 hours of fasting. I feel very proud and very happy to be done with it.

I did lose 8 pounds during the fast bringing my total weight loss to 51.4 pounds. I am hoping the fast contributed toward healing my insulin resistance.  I also hope shorter fasts will now be much easier going forward.

I am not sure that I will ever do such a long fast again but I can see 3 and 5 day fasts in my future.

A recount of Stage 3 of my current health journey

Stage 3 started with a close friend's birthday late October and continued through the end of the year. 

During this time I ended up eating out a lot, and frequently not by choice. I learned how to fast after eating restaurant food full of hidden carbs and sugar in order to return to balance.

I learned how to fast longer times up to 75 hours. I learned to eat more fats to balance out the fasting and deal with cravings. I kept on weight-lifting. I navigated meals for my birthday, Thanksgiving, long weekend in NYC and the winter holidays without losing my mind. I shopped thrift stores for smaller clothing. I weighed myself every day. I recorded all numbers. I made lists of accomplishments and motivational sayings.

I decided to invest in a keto mojo monitor so I would know when I was or was not in ketosis. I learned how to prick my finger to take measurements. I kept track of my morning blood sugar numbers and calculated my daily GKI ratio. I could no longer kid myself about the effect a meal out had on me. I decided to stop drinking alcohol for the duration. I did not try for perfection but I did strive for awareness and clarity.

Early in Stage 3 I entered onderland with much rejoicing. By the end of the year I had lost 44 pounds total in 22 weeks.

The next stage (4) is the current stage.

A recount of Stage 2 of my current health Journey

Mid-September of 2018 I changed up several things in my health quest and I continue to do them today.

I started super-slow strength training. I have wanted to do this kind of training with a trainer for years. I view this as a fun thing I can now do thanks to more time in my schedule.

I added a few more foods back into my eating plan. I eat olives, avocados, cauliflower, spinach, mushrooms, 100% baking chocolate and other LC choices although my meals are still primarily fat, meat, seafood and eggs.

I started fasting to heal my insulin resistance. (see any of Dr. Jason Fung's books if you are interested in the science or 'why' behind this) At first I panicked when I didn't eat for 24 hours but I kept plugging away at it.  I learned that eating is mostly habit for me. After all I have months of stored energy available to me on my body. Do I ever feel true hunger?

I also learned how to plan better and dealt with many (too many) restaurant meals. Planning ahead for me is key. I started tracking my strength training numbers as well. Got on the scale everyday

By the end of another 6 or so weeks I was down another 14 pounds and I lost 4 inches on my waist, 8 inches on my hips. I dug out smaller clothing I had put away. My edema was mostly gone and my blood pressure was back to normal.

Lots of positive outcomes but I was dreading the start of the holiday season which for me starts at the end of October.

Stage 3 recount coming up

A recount of Stage 1 of my current health journey

Apparently I have a strange idea of fun because shortly after writing the previous post I decided I had time to focus once again on weight loss. This was 5+ months ago.
          
My goals: lose 100 pounds [or so], get way more energy [lots more], get rid of edema, lower inflammation and heal my insulin resistance.
     
To get myself into ketosis as quickly as possible I ate meat, seafood, eggs, a little cheese, mayonnaise and coffee and tea for 6 weeks. I removed all sugars including fruit and sweeteners including stevia. I took baseline measurements of waist, hips, bust and thigh. I weighed myself every day. I tracked all these numbers on a spreadsheet. 

I lost 15 pounds and went into ketosis. (fat-burning mode). My breath smelled so bad - mint essential oils were a necessity.

I know I need to document my health efforts else I become lazy and mindless. So I am going to do so here for 2019.

Stage 2 recount to come.

The past 3 plus years

Where have I been the past 3 years?  The simple answer: Graduate School.

Why didn't I post while in school? Truth: In my experience blogging is more fun than classwork. If I wanted to complete all of my writing assignments I had to limit the distraction of other writing.  So I did. 

All of my classwork is done and I have my final project to complete. I feel that I can start slowly adding fun things back into my life. This may only be a couple of posts a month but I am delighted to have some time to do old things I like to do.