a february wrap up

As I heal I find I am thinking about writing again and the doing is slowly coming. But I realize there is no way I can catch up on this past month, so I'll try to just hit the highlights and look forward to starting March afresh.

Imbolc this year found me in CA spending all my time taking care of my parents. These visits although it's a nice change to be away from the snow are never vacations. There is always stuff to be done. This year it was ferrying them around to many, many doctor appointments. I felt sick but I just kept ignoring it except when the dry cough became troublesome. I was just very focused on my parents.

Then the first weekend of February found me feeling exhausted, still coughing and with a temperature that was creeping up to 101 most evenings. The first Sunday I went to English country dancing to prepare for the ball and it was tough. On the way home I realized I was getting some kind of bumps all over my scalp.

By Monday the bumps were all over my face and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I wasn't thinking too clearly, due to the fever probably, but my wife got me into my doctor and I was diagnosed with chicken pox. Everything you have heard about it being worse for adults is true. I was put on antiviral medication and just felt completely out of it for the rest of the week.

By Valentine's day I was feeling a bit better and able to work some from home since I was still contagious. I had not left the house for over a week at this point. I went back to the office the 17th and made it the whole day.

IMAD was the next day and the Marys celebrated with a low key afternoon of pleasure. Even fun things tired me out a lot after a few hours. But it was nice to do some fun ritual stuff.

The following week I concentrated on working and restarting my meditation practice. Health continued to spiral up and down. I even had several nights of exhausted insomnia. I tried my best to not push too much. I admired my wife's sewing. My scalp healed enough to get my hair cut.

So here I am wrapping up February, still speckled but healing. Hoping I'll be able to do at least some dancing at the ball next weekend. Buying play tickets and plane tickets and still trying to be kind to myself. Looking forward to March and spring.

I really appreciate all the sympathy and good cheer that people sent this month. It really did help.

slow convalescence

I am always surprised by recovery. How it's not a steady improvement. You have a good day, followed by a harder one, followed by an ok one.

It's much more of a spiral than a slope. But when I take the longer view I can see the general improvement. I am doing so much better than last week and my skin is healing more every day. Compared to 2 weeks ago the improvement is phenomenal.

And I am doing my best to not push things too much. We got about 14 inches of snow in the past day and I didn't attempt to shovel it. Everyone in the house discouraged it. Still it was hard to not feel guilty. To not feel bad about not doing 'my share'.

The snow has been beautiful. I found myself staring sleepily out the window today mesmerized by the beauty of the falling snow. Thanks to the snow I don't have to feel guilty about missing dancing last night since it was canceled. Funny how those little things make a difference.

Part of me is yearning to get back to my old routines of exercise and meditation and part of me is trying to not wish for things to be different. To accept things just the way they are. Even the itchiness of dry healing skin. And soon I'll be able to blog about a limited IMAD and shoes, my energy is slowly coming back.

it's been 3 weeks

Three weeks ago today I woke up coughing a dry cough. I didn't know it then but that was the start of my chicken pox odyssey.

It's been a really hard 3 weeks. I don't think I have been this sick since I had mono in college. Illness is a weird, weird thing.

I am now up to the point where I can attempt to work 8 hours from home. I notice that everything seems to take longer than I remember. I am fairly sure I am no longer contagious and I plan on going into the office tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to it in a way.

My life is slowly returning to 'normal' what ever that is. My body looks like I have been rolling in gravel. I have stopped craving my sickness related comfort food. [Mine is chicken fried rice, what's yours?]

At times I found it very hard to be awake in the moment while I was so uncomfortable. It was hard not to want things to be different. At times it was easy because the sickness was a fairly straightforward thing and that was all there was. I could be mindful of that simple uncomfortable thing.

Here it is, half of February 2011 is over. I basically missed Imbolc this year. This Friday is IMAD already and I feel hopeful that I will be able to enjoy it. There are things that I need to do and plan and some of them I am not capable of doing yet.

I guess I still need to convalesce. I need to carve out time to recuperate. I don't want to end up with pneumonia.

Unfortunately this cuts into writing/blogging time.

I think I am still here

Though I couldn't swear to it. Everything is a bit foggy. I am missing everyone, I miss posting, thinking, writing. I even rather miss work. it's been a tough 2 weeks.

I have chicken pox and it's been pretty bad. But I think I am rebounding at last. My fever seems down for good [finally] I am now so covered with pox that I seem to not be producing many more and I may be sick, burning, stiff with chills but I don't really itch.

All in all it's been pretty strange but I think I am improving slowly. Of course I had no idea that I had chicken pox until the odd bumps on my scalp became a rash on my face and I got into the doctor... who knows how many people I have passed it onto! I thought I had been exposed to the virus back in high school. My mom would have sworn that I had it in kindergarten.

Anyway for several hours at a time my head clears a bit and I can almost think again. If you aren't sure if you have had chicken pox a blood test can check for the antibodies and there is a vaccination now. Everything you have heard about it being worse for adults is true. Avoid it if you can [although lets face it most people have had it!]

In my fog I did try to practice stretching out from my small self. It may have worked at times. Good practice either way.