closing out 2019

It's been the greatest year full of growth. Sometimes painful as life can be but still so precious.  My word for 2019 was accomplish and wow that word really suited the year.  So much has been accomplished.

I am still losing weight (slowly) and gaining in strength. My awareness of how mood and food interact is growing. My meditation practice is strengthening.  I am constantly finding new non-food activities to enjoy. My thought models are useful. I can do a plank much longer than I realized, LOL. 

I have several other private writing groups which leaves less time for blogging here, but that is just where I am at... and that's ok.

Wishing the world a lovely and peaceful 2020. 


Nanowrimo 2019

Everything is well here.  I have been focusing on uncoupling food from my mood and it's going well. Maintaining my weight loss. Sometimes it seems slow but still it's happening.

Now that every single bit of graduate school is completely behind me I have been slowly bringing back fun stuff that I love.  One of those things is Nanowrimo. 

I am so excited to be able to really commit to it this year. I can't wait to visit the characters and world I have been building over the past 10 years.  I am at 1700 words so I am off to a slow start. I am not sure of my plot or anything else.  But I am writing and it is wonderful .

Summer end check in -Autumn is almost here.

Last day of summer here and time for a check in.

The two issues from my last post:
-Leak proof container for on the go dressings and sauces. This has been purchased but I have not had a good chance to use it.  Tomorrow night may be the time as we are eating out for autumnal equinox.
-Food waste. It's going better. I am slowly transitioning to buying less, cooking less, shopping for less -- Still a work in progress but that is ok. One thing I decided was, since I am not cooking Thanksgiving this year I will not be buying my own turkey for those of here at home. It is simply too much food for us. This by itself is a major change. It will be weird to not be ordering my turkey during my birthday week.

Since my last update I have had 4 trips (3 by plane),  one dying dog and completely finished my masters degree. It's been a lot the past 6 weeks.

I have maintained my weight loss but have had no new lows. However I am still very committed and have been keeping up all my new habits. Now that I have room for new projects in my life I am going to be very thoughtful this year about continuing to build on my habits, continue to lose weight and get to goal (no matter how long it takes me). Some of my new projects include an online support group, NANOWRIMO and artsy community classes.

The support group will need a lot of online time from me but I will still be reporting here as I consider this more of a personal journal.

It's been (over) a year!

Well today is a year, plus a few days, of my re-commitment to low carb/carnivore/keto eating. 

My pie in the sky goal was to lose 100# in a year. I am down 63 pounds and feeling great. I knew back in June that I was not going to meet my bigger goal within the year so I did some research on how to handle it. 

This led me to the gap vs. the gain. I choose to focus on how I started 63 pounds heavier a year ago. I have made huge, huge strides. I have even figured out how to eat when I am up at the lake! I am capable of losing weight when I am on vacation and feel great about it.

I also set a July goal of getting below 170# and I made that goal, now I am working on my August goal. It's doable but challenging - we will see.

I have also set my long term goal of losing 100+ and getting into the 120s by the end of the year. This is quite the stretch goal. But no matter where I end up on December 31 I will be better off than where I am today. I will have learned more, problem-solved and be healthier in a hopefully smaller body.

Currently I am working on a couple of things. I need a small leak proof bottle so that I can take a vinaigrette with me when I eat out. I love salads at this time of the year, but restaurants seem to have the nastiest dressings. I am also tired of food waste at home. I am brain-storming how I can get my food purchases to line up with how much food is going to be eaten in my house. I hate wasting food!

Hopefully by the time I check in here next I will have both of these solved! peace out.

Turning down the volume

I have been working on eating the correct amount of food for a person who weighs 58 pounds less. I have been somewhat successful.

I have noticed that I tend to cook too much.
I tend to put too much on my plate.
It was harder up at the lake as I was out of my routines.
I tend to want to finish off what it on my plate because I am lazy about putting food away.
I am noticing that my brain still thinks I need to eat more when my body feels full, stuffed even.
I can tell I need to keep doing thought work and stop blunting my feelings with food.
I am still trying to re-define the parts of my life that revolved around food.
I have been peering at naturally thin people's serving sizes to get used to new amounts I am shooting for.
I don't expect everyday to be the same.

Headed back for the lake and determined to make this weekend more successful than my last trip. I will figure this out! For sure.


A bit over 4 months

Within a week of my previously complaining post I got a new low on the scale. Only a half a pound but I still celebrated. My measurements never seem to actually change much even when my clothing gets looser. I need me some scale love. It's really helpful to my mental outlook.

So yay. Now I am ready to head up north on a working vacation and do my best to get a new low while there. This is a step on the path to my monthly goal.

I would really like to move into a lower range of weight this month. That range is 3.5 pounds away.

I feel pretty determined to do all that I can do. I am working very hard with the emotional component of eating and trying to adjust the volume of food I take in while paying more attention to how full I am actually feeling. If I am successful I will blog about it afterwards.  Well, I guess I will blog about it either way!

It's been four months

It has been four months since I have had a new low on the scale. At first I was patient because weight loss in never linear.  I have been pleased that I have been maintaining within a ten pound range. 

But the truth is I don't want to maintain, I am not at maintenance weight. I want to keep on losing another 40+ pounds. 

These past 4 months were not wasted. I feel that I have been learning a lot. How to travel both for work and vacation and balance out my eating plan. I have been doing a lot of mental work to accept that I need to change old thoughts that don't serve me and contributed to my weight issues. 

I don't want to be a foodie anymore. I want to find other healthy ways to celebrate and commemorate important events in my life. I don't want to spend much time trying out new recipes or creating new dishes or eating at new places. I do better when my food choices are limited. I don't want to turn to food to buffer discomfort. I want to be okay with the fact that in order for the end result to change what I put into it needs to change also. I want to keep learning and growing and I want to accept things that aren't easy.

It's interesting to me that these are not universal at all. Other people may need to change other stuff in order to lose. There are plenty of thin people who can be foodies or cook a lot or bake or celebrate with lots of feasting. Currently this is not me.

Primed with this insight I am going to start tweaking things with more deliberation if I don't see a new scale low in 2 to 3 weeks.  We'll see what happens. It will be interesting no matter what.

post Europe

Well my vacation is over and the 4+ days of jet-lag have almost cleared out. I was super happy to see that I did not gain weight over my vacation even though there was quite a bit of carbs and wine over the 2+ weeks. 

In fact it seems that my weight range has shifted downwards by about 3#. 

I attribute that to being in a totally different food environment and my overall stress levels being lower and all the food being different on the micro level. Different water and different soils growing the food.  The same thing happened to me the last time I spent a couple of weeks in Europe. Of course my activity levels are also different. I tend to do lots of walking on vacation. Most days I walked until my feet were sore and I almost limped back to the apartment.

I feel so much more confident going forward with my eating and maintaining my weight loss. Although I probably will not make my goal of 100 pounds gone in a year I still feel good about my (slow) downward weight trend and my increasing health and comfort.

Now I am looking forward to the rest of the summer. Doing some fasting. Maybe doing a bit of carnivore for a couple of week or months. Or perhaps I will wait for cool weather to do that...
 

Europe, Keto and Food

Food on vacation has been going fairly well. 
I cannot find 100% chocolate any where and I really miss it. 
I have figured out bacon and eggs and olives and so much cheese at home in the apartment. 
There is lots of Indonesian and Suriname take-away. Both yummy and easy to avoid rice, bread and potatoes.
My blood glucose and ketone numbers have been good even with the occasional piece of bread, potatoes or spoon of rice or fruit. 
My scale isn't working but clothing feels normal.
Stress is way down.  
Italy next, but I am not fussed about it. I feel confident that I can handle it.
All is all vacation has been going well and I am looking forward to seeing the dogs and getting back to fasting times.

remembering to breathe

or perhaps breathe deeply?

I am getting ready for vacation and everything is very full of stuff, both work and personal life. Wrapping up projects, sorting packing questions and arranging pup care are a needed yet stressful parts of the preparation. 

My success at work-travel, fasting and eating aside. I find that a 2 week vacation is raising a different set of questions. Do I want to take my meter to measure glucose and ketones occasionally?  (yes) Is it worth it to buy a small traveling scale as I feel that helps my overall awareness level? (probably) Am I ready to interact with food and eating on vacation in a new way? (um...sure?) Can I relax and reach for more intuitive eating patterns? (that would be nice) Can I accept that I can not make concrete plans as a lot of travel to a new place deals with facing the unknown? (yes, fortunately I don't have to like it) 

So ... I am going to do my best. Focus on relaxing more than fasting. Focus on awareness of the new and wonderful more than worrying about all the stuff I don't know or can't plan. Focus on pleasure and light.  Focus on trusting my body.

And remember to breathe deeply as often as possible!

more work travel success

My business trip was one day shorter this week and I got a 44.5 hour fast in along with a 34 hour fast. There was a long of flight delay with stress/boredom flying out so the fact I didn't eat was a major victory for me. 

I also forgot that when you are in the south and you order smothered pork chops they will be breaded even if the menu doesn't say that. As per usual when faced with the unplanned I defaulted to eating. (I would love for this to change some day) They were extremely yummy and my blood glucose and ketones bounced back well. However they may be the reason why I was actually hungry for breakfast Friday morning -- that's why the second fast was only 34hours.

My wife laughed herself silly when I told her about it ... of course they would be breaded.

This coming week is busy and has no travel so I am going for a 72 hour fast midweek. 

Then there will be tons of vacation travel so that will be the next challenge.  I wonder if post-vacation things will be a bit calmer. I may be kidding myself.
 

fasting while business traveling

I kept on thinking all year that I 'should' be able to fast while traveling for business. Thinking but not doing.

Finally last week I managed it. I got a 48 hour fast in and a 40 hour fast in during a travel week. It makes me very happy that I managed to do this. Now I have another work travel week and I will repeat my success.

I wish I could put my finger on why I was able to do it. I got more comfortable with saying no....I had a bacon stash for emergency boosts... I kept trying trip after trip.

I suppose the "try, try again" was really the key thing. No new lows this month yet, maintaining in a narrow range with downward trend. Feeling committed and healthy and I believe the stress levels are also trending down.

pretty sure my cravings aren't hormonal

In yet another attempt to calm my cravings I tried two things last month.

I stopped drinking flavored waters, tea and coffee during my fasting hours. The theory was that the flavors (even though 0 calorie) were somehow triggering insulin and/or cravings.

It didn't make any difference.

I also did 3 weeks in a row of routine ADF on MWF. Just finishing up the last Friday fast now. Again no change in cravings. 

In fact as I came home from walking dogs just now I realized I wanted to eat. I was craving eating. I am still physically stuffed from last night. I literally don't know where I would put it and it would probably make me feel sick. Still want to put food in my mouth and chew it.

I think I need to accept that right now my cravings are purely mental/emotional/stress-based.  I don't want that too be true but it seems that it is.

Oh well. More reason to meditate.

On the bright side: I lost another half inch on my chest, my body seems to be doing that re-composition thing, more fat getting squishy and I feel committed and motivated to keep on with my health journey.

 

stretching out fasting experiences

I have played around with alternate days fasts at times. I don't find them harder or easier then other fasting patterns but many people swear by the consistency and routine of them.

The week after my last work trip I fasted MWF at least 36 hours and ate T,T, S,S. It wasn't easy but I did it. 

Then I did it for another week. First time to put 2 ADF weeks together back to back!

Now I am in the midst of my third ADF week. Not really easier but I am enjoying the challenge. Come Saturday I hope can report success and give an April health wrap up. 

My seven day moving weight average is trending down this month but no new lows to report. I feel like I am in a consolidating pattern and the high levels of work stress aren't helping anything. 

Fasting and Trips

I had a solo car trip to make for work this week, seven hours one way. I like driving and car trips. I was hoping since I would be on my own with no kitchen that I would be able to fast easily but that did not happen. I fasted 20 hours the first day and 17 hours the second. I had no issues eating on plan when I ate. Although the coleslaw I had tasted rather sweet so I didn't finish it.

I am still trying to learn from this experience to see what I can change in the future. When I am on a work trip I find it hard to turn down 'free' food. I did not bring things to distract me, perhaps a knitting project would have been helpful. Also although I like driving, it still makes me tired, when I am tired I want food energy...

I am not sure what I can change in order to fast 24h+ while on a work trip. 

I have 2 work trips by plane and not solo coming up in May and I may plan on eating one meal a day on both of them in order to decrease stress levels around work trips. Maybe at some point in the future I will be able to avoid restaurant food while traveling. 

As always I am a work in progress.

No travel for the rest of April but many, many deadlines to meet.  I plan to eat the foods that make me feel healthy, meditate, fast at least 16 hours every day, eat plenty of protein to see if it helps me feel more satiated and continue my weekly slow strength training.

April Ease

The first week of April has been good to me.  

I had some big NSVs.  

My waist measurement took a dive and I am at 33 inches.  Nine inches off my waist since August.  Since I use the waist/height ratio as a proxy for hyperinsulemia this is a very important metric for me.

One NSV was mental. I acknowledge that I didn't give up last month when things were so hard. I kept on putting one foot in front of the other even though I wasn't feeling it. I have since heard from one of the IDM educators that March is a typical time for people to have a slump. I do think that is the perfect word to describe it. I felt like I was in a slump.

I did a 3 day fast this past week and it was good. It felt 'normal' and enjoyable. I focused on the good parts of fasting. I love that light, my digestion is resting, feeling. I also started measuring my GKI in the evenings. Seeing those low numbers at that point of my day was motivating. Except for an evening fasting booster when needed, the rest of my hours were clean - unflavored water and black coffee and tea. I also made my own version of 'ketoaid' morning and night to keep my electrolytes as happy as possible. My weight was within a half pound of my last low. All in all a great week.

This upcoming week I am traveling solo for work. I am hoping to fast during that trip. I will see how it goes.

When to push and more NSVs

It's the end of March and it has been a weird month for me. After 7 months of losing weight I have spent this month holding steady.

It may be my body needed a month to adjust to being 50+ pounds less. It may have been caused by the 13 restaurant meals this month! No matter what fasting pattern I tried I could not seem to convince myself to fast for over 41 hours and I only did 41 hours once the entire month. Was I more hungry due to my increased exercise levels in February or from increased stress or both? I also had a big emotional decision to consider and make, a lot of energy went towards that. Post-decision I feel great but implementing it gave me less push to keep fasting longer. All the above combined made my month a bit static as far as weight loss and there were no changes in measurements either.

This month had great things. The annual IMAD, Playford ball and Gilbert&Sullivan outings were fabulous. The snow is gone and spring is really here. My energy levels are good -lots of project work getting done. I stopped drinking flavored coffee and waters during fasting hours. I think (for me) they were triggering an insulin release. Several NSVs. Two recent: wearing a navy/white striped dress from my closet and wearing long pendants, they now hang 'right'.  I ate on plan all month except for one small piece of cake at an event. It tasted surprisingly good after I scraped off the frosting.

Looking back at March I realize that things went fine. It was weird to feel like my push setting was off or diverted but I couldn't force it or trick it. I hope that my scale movement (or inch loss) picks back up in April and I will continue to work on what I can control; my attitude and effort.

Of course I wouldn't be me if I wasn't going to try new things in the upcoming month. I am hoping my cravings lessen again. I plan to fast, hopefully 2-3 days. I plan to use bacon/broth/olives as a fasting boosters when needed. I will keep on avoiding flavoured water and coffee unless I am eating a meal. I want to track whether I am having a high or moderate protein day. I will use the "deck of cards" approximation to do this. Then I want to see if larger protein days are correlated with higher GKIs. I am considering moving my keytone/glucose measurement to the end of my fasting period to see what those patterns look like. Since there is a ton of travel planned for May I want to eat very very few restaurant meals in April. I wonder if I could do none for a month? I would also like to spend some time thrift shopping and find a new raincoat for the season. My old one, which I still love, is now huge on me. I also hope to get outside daily and notice spring coming.

I will see how it goes. As always I am a work in progress.




Unexpected NSV

One non-scale victory I 'saw' this week. I have scars disappearing.

I was listening to an intermittent fasting podcast where someone was talking about scars going away and it was like a light bulb went off for me. I pulled up the leg of my slacks and sure enough the scar on my right knee is gone.

I got that scar when I was 12 years old! I had that scar for decades. I still remember the injury. It was the first time in my life I had stitches.

Now I look at my knee and I can see a faint line if I am in strong sunshine and completely extend my knee joint. The surface of the skin looks different then.  But of course I know where to look. I can't imagine anyone else would ever notice anything.

It's weird and stunning. Then I checked my ankle surgery scars and sure enough they are fading as well. So are two recent scars on my shoulder blade and hip from precancerous skin removals. My scars from back surgery 15 years ago also look different although it's hard for me to see them.

Of course scar fading was not an outcome I thought about when I started this journey but it's rather thrilling. Especially during a month when the scale isn't really moving, it's nice to know my body is still healing in other ways.




First half of March plans over-written by the Unexpected

Oh well.  The first half of March was not at all what I had in mind. 

First the 4 day fast did not happen. Even though there was no one and no food around my cravings to eat were intense. I ate about one meal a day with 18 hour to 26 hour fasts in between. Apparently my cravings aren't triggered by environment - that is useful info.

Then I needed to go out of town unexpectedly for work. So there were too many restaurant meals. It was a smallish group and I simply felt too weird and unprepared to fast with a bunch of strangers 'watching'.  They could have probably cared less but ...  preparation is so important for me.

I stuck to meat and veg meals that had slightly more carbs in breading and sauces but things tasted strange and sweet and very unsatisfying. 

Now I am home and back to eating normal for me and getting ready to throw another birthday party for family this weekend. March feels very hard.

My cravings are still through the roof so I am doing a couple days of 'fat-fasting' and trying to reset. I want to do the consistent every other day pattern for the last 2 weeks of March. Hopefully my plans will not be derailed again. *fingers crossed*

March Experiements

March is a month I am filling with fasting experiments. 

First IMAD was March 1 this year, which meant 2 restaurant meals, way more carbs for me than usual. (No sweets though)

I was happy to see I was still in moderate ketosis the next day. My metabolism is improving. A big NSV.

I am going to take a couple of days to assess where my body/hunger/measurements are post-IMAD and then start a a 4 day (or so) fast.
No one will be around to eat or cook during this fast. Will it be easier? Will I just avoid the kitchen entirely? Could I totally forget about food/eating/preparing and do forth. Perhaps only drink water/coffee/tea the whole time...?

I want to see if food being almost non-existent in the enviroment (except for dog food) and the fridge being quite empty makes fasting easier. 

After that fast I am planning on trying a 'every other day' eating routine for the last 3 weeks of March. This means fast more frequently for a shorter amount of time... And on most eating days only having one evening meal. 

I want to see if this routine is helpful for me. Will this make fasting easier if I always know mentally I can eat 'tomorrow'. 

This all feels rather ambitious. I hope I can pull if off. 

30 weeks and 57 pounds

As I write this it has been 30 weeks since I decided to direct my energy back to my health and make a change.

Although I am still on my journey and very much a work in progress, I am also very happy with where I am right now. I have had so many successes both on and off the scale

I feel like my level of self love and acceptance is high.

I notice that my energy levels are definitely increasing.

I sometimes eat a big meal, maybe too big? But I don't eat sweets or starches.

Fasting is sometimes easier but sometimes still a big pain.
Perhaps I could do it in a way to make it easier...I would like it to become easier. I still enjoy trying out new fasting patterns.

I am still learning about my body.

I am eager to see where I will be in another 22 weeks.

Hollandaise Sauce Forever!

I love Hollandaise sauce.  It is high in fat and wonderful and my kind of ketogenic food.

It can be a bit of a pain to make.

Also I am lazy about separating eggs and making sure the egg whites get used.  I hate waste though...

I have been making Mayonnaise with my immersion blender, it takes about 60 seconds. I make it with a whole egg (see paragraph above) because it's easy although a less rich. I am willing to take that trade off.

It hit me like a bolt of lightning yesterday, if you can make mayo with a stick blender surely you can make Hollandaise sauce.

Yes you can. 

Melt a stick of good butter. (don't let it burn).
Remove from heat
Pop 2 egg yolks (or if lazy whole egg) in vessel with lemon juice.
Whir egg and lemon juice with blender.
Add melted butter in thin stream while blending.
30 seconds later you have your sauce.
Season as desired. -Pepper, cayenne, salt, 
tarragon (then it's simple Bearnais sauce)

This makes me so happy.  And full - very, very full.

Various victories

It's been an exciting week for my health journey. I don't know if I should attribute it to one specific thing. Maybe my body just realized it was time to let go? Perhaps the reason is that I keep hanging in there day after day always concentrating on keeping my insulin low almost all the time.

57 pounds gone so far. Not only is this great by itself it also came along with several other milestones.

I have now lost 25% of my starting body weight. 
My BMI is now under 30. 
(and my waist is still the same size, LOL)

Wow. I feel a bit stunned.

Fasting has been way easier this week. I am enjoying that. My food when I have been eating is wonderful.

I have not had any dairy for a few days.  Did this make a difference? Probably not, I have lost while eating dairy many times.

So I am concentrating on enjoying it even if I cannot pinpoint how to replicate it.

Weirdness of my tape measure

As part of my journey I take my measurements at waist, hip, bust, thigh and neck every once awhile.

I don't do it very often because it changes so slowly. For me the scale is what I monitor daily and it gives me way more encouragement. Still I have a goal to get my waist to height ratio under .5 as this is a good proxy for proper insulin sensitivity so I do check it.

My waist has been the same size since 12/29/18. But I am wearing a size smaller in slacks - so my waist is smaller.  It has to be but when I measure I still get the same number.

Somehow I am getting smaller without it 'showing' on my tape measure. It must be user error but I cannot figure out what I am doing wrong.

So weird. Well at least the scale moves.
New low today, 53.2 pounds gone!

Riding the energy train

When I started this stage of my health journey August 1, 2018 one of the my two primary goals was to have more energy.

I was determined to fully switch over to fat-burning mode (this has been accomplished) and possess the abundant energy people report in that state.

For the past month I have really noticed an increase in energy -- finally!

It's not all the time, I still deal with hormonal cycles, but I am sure that it has increased. Mentally and physically. I am really liking this and it is certainly a much longed for NSV.

Signs of Healing

Fasting has been a challenge for me this month. I think the weather and the disruption to my normal routines has been to blame. So I am always looking for the positive NSV to celebrate.

Yesterday for Valentine's dinner I had more carbs than usual. Which I had planned ahead of time. Gluten-free breaded fried chicken! Part of a yummy biscuit! Several pieces of toasted and buttered french bread with beef marrow and mushrooms - fabulous. And I know there were hidden sugars in some of the sauces/dressings. It was a great meal.

As expected my weight has shot up a few pounds, carbs make me hold onto water like crazy. But! Less than 12 hours after that meal I was in ketosis. A low level but still!  I am so pleased. This is a great sign of metabolic health and flexibility. NSV for sure.

I really think my cells are hitting their stride and using ketones/fat for fuel very readily. Yay cells!

Parties can be rough

Today was a wonderful birthday celebration for my mother-in-law.  I feel so blessed to have her in my life especially now that my own mum is gone. The party itself was really a mixed bag though.

There was food with sugar everywhere.  There were 2 cakes!  Tons of cookies. We actually forgot to serve the ice cream there was so much there. Things tasted weirdly sweet to me. My favorite grain free crackers were there.

I didn't want to eat at all but it was so hard being surrounded by all that food.  The smell of it. Since I was helping throw the party I could not simply go to a corner farthest from the food. I ended up snacking for 3 hours. When I wasn't hungry. I am not sure how many crackers I had. 6? 8? maybe 10 or 12? Ugh.

On the plus side, I did not have any sweets or breads. I ate a few plain shrimp and some almonds and brazil nuts. Some swiss cheese, a bit of chicken salad and olives and peapods. So mostly in plan. All of my ketogenic artichoke dip was eaten up. It was very popular. We have tons of olives left over. Which will not go to waste!

I am so glad it is done. I did pretty well all things considered and the birthday gal had a great time which was the goal. Now I need to figure out my game plan for the week with an early valentine's day restaurant meal on Wednesday.

The past 6 months

When I think about the past six months I feel a sense of pride. I made many changes some worked out and some did not. I am happy I have lost 52.5 pounds and have had so many non-scale victories. 

My lower inflammation levels have made many things better in my life. In general, I feel more confident about my health and future. I am also experiencing higher energy and that is wonderful. I am also seeing how weird the food-emotional connection can still be for me after all these years.

The past 6 months have certainly not been easy and some days it has been dreadful. But then some days have been fun and successful, so perhaps normal life has continued on...

I don't know if the goal I set last August 1, to lose 100#, is reasonable for me and my body but it should be interesting finding out. I have not been that small in 30+ years. Right now, I am doing my best to celebrate every victory, every good choice, keep moving and trying to not take anything personally. 

I am happy with right now and I am also looking forward to August and seeing where I am then.

A bit easier and updates

I think my fast this week was a bit easier. Yay! I went over half a week - 95 hours. I hit the official half week time at 5am and I wasn't going to eat then. I spent way more time at home near my kitchen due to the weather this week so the fact that it was easier at all is amazing.

Current goal is to eat just the right amount for me over the weekend. I had Himalayan for an early dinner. It was a big meal and had a few more carbs than I usually eat. I hope it doesn't spark cravings and I hope to relax into my eating.

I need to decide if next week I am going to do another half week fast or if I want to do a week of alternate day fasts. I wish we came with a guidebook so that I would know the 'right' thing to do for me.

I had a couple of new lows on the scale. 
Down 52.4 pounds!

The Science is Sound

The first part of January was devoted to my first extended fast. I went 9 days. It was interesting. I never reached that fabulous euphoric state that some people report. Maybe shorter fasts will now be easier. I hope so. I am 52 hours into a half week fast, my mind does seem a bit quieter this time around.

In regards to my overall goal of healing my hyperinsulinemia I would like to shift my eating times to earlier in the day.  The theory is without changing the foods or quantities that I eat, the earlier I eat the lower the insulin response.

It is a good idea but hard to implement. I feel the least hungry at breakfast. Culturally, evenings are the time to join with friends and family and eat a meal. Evenings are the times when my brain demands that I eat.  Such a cranky mind I have. Sometimes if I eat at the beginning of the day it seems to turn my cravings on for the rest of the day. I want it to work but the times I have attempted it have not gone so well. It makes simply not eating look easier.

My relationship with my scale

There exist many differing opinions about how or if to use a scale. I am not here to convince anyone to step on a scale if they don't want to... I can only speak about what works for me.

At this time in my life I must weigh daily. The only time I don't is when I am traveling and do not have access to a scale. Over the years I have noted a very distinctive pattern to my behavior, if I don't weigh myself -- I gain weight.

If my goal is to get more healthy which includes losing weight then I have to step on the scale and record what I see. If I don't I fall into complete denial within a week. My scale is a objective tool I use to remain awake and aware. This is key for me, I need to pay attention and I need to pay attention daily. The scale is one way to do that.

Since I graph my results like the big data nerd that I am I do not pay too much attention to any given day. My interest is the trend, am I trending down? Then I try to be patient and cheer myself on. If I don't like what I see in my numbers over several days or weeks then I use that as a reason to shake things up and try something different.

It can be hard to see it as objective information all the time but I keep trying. Yet another part of me in progress.


Checking Metabolic Health

I had some carb-loaded food, potatoes and bread, and any sugar that was snuck into the food, this weekend at a German restaurant. 

I took advantage of this occurrence and measured my blood glucose 2 hours after my meal as a proxy to assess my metabolic health.  Two hours post eating my reading was 141 which is on the high end of normal. That was nice to know. The next day that I was carrying an extra couple of pounds of water weight from one carby meal but I was still in moderate ketosis. This may be due to the timing of the meal, it was lunch not dinner. Time of eating does make a difference to insulin response.

I am fortunate in that I am not a type2 diabetic and I have never had the high blood glucose numbers that many T2D struggle with, however I did notice my numbers creeping up over the past few years to the high end of normal. This is one of the reasons I made my big way of life change last August. 

I think being at the high end of normal as a sign of my hyperinsulinemia - my average insulin levels trend higher than a person with a 'normal' insulin response. Although I do not enjoy pricking my fingers at all for these tests I find them very motivating. They inspire me to make the lowest carb choices I can the majority of the time. My body does notice.

Remembering, Sadness and Food

My mum has been dead for a year and I been thinking about her a lot. It's a mixture of sadness and wanting to remember the things I really enjoyed about her. 

The memories of both my parents are intertwined with food. Which I know is quite typical in our culture, but it still is extra challenging for me right now as I am trying to heal my hyperinsulinemia, 

I find it interesting that when I want to focus on remembering my mum I first go to food related ideas. I remember the special German foods she loved to eat as rare treats so I planned a lunch for a few of us who knew her. 

Now I am thinking and wondering what other ways can I celebrate her that are not related to food. I have a feeling that answering this one question fully is something that make take me quite awhile. 

How do I remember my parents without food? How do I spend time with friends without food? How do the holidays and other celebrations happen without being solely focused on food? Vacations and food ..?

It's not that I want to or even think I can eliminate food-eating-specialness-celebrating from my life but I also would like it to stop being the center-point. 

I get very tired of thinking about food, however I know from the past if I try to ignore or avoid awareness then I will gain weight.As usual it comes back to awareness and identity. Both works in progress.

After a 9 day fast

I was very hopeful that one of the results of my 9 day fast would be that shorter fasts would seem easy in comparison.

This has not happened. (yet)  Will it ever I wonder?

Most evenings after work no matter what my brain is so cranky about me not eating at the 'right' time. Sometimes I can ignore it but sometimes not. In this scenario distraction is my friend.

Planning helps. I need to plan what I am doing in the hours between 5pm and 8pm to keep my fast going or else I struggle with automatically eating.

This week I will be working late one night and I should probably get the xmas tree un-decorated... I guess it is time.  lol

No new lows on the scale for me but my slacks are certainly looser than they were at the beginning of the month. I will enjoy that NSV.

Starting the year with a long fast

When 2019 started I was ready to focus again on my health goals without holiday distractions. I decided to attempt a 240 hour (ten day fast) the first ten days of the year. Previously my longest fast was 75 hours but I was ready to challenge myself.

It went fine (not easy but doable) until the end of the 9th day when I started to feel seriously, weirdly unwell and I made the decision to break my fast. It was the best decision. I completed 214 hours of fasting. I feel very proud and very happy to be done with it.

I did lose 8 pounds during the fast bringing my total weight loss to 51.4 pounds. I am hoping the fast contributed toward healing my insulin resistance.  I also hope shorter fasts will now be much easier going forward.

I am not sure that I will ever do such a long fast again but I can see 3 and 5 day fasts in my future.

A recount of Stage 3 of my current health journey

Stage 3 started with a close friend's birthday late October and continued through the end of the year. 

During this time I ended up eating out a lot, and frequently not by choice. I learned how to fast after eating restaurant food full of hidden carbs and sugar in order to return to balance.

I learned how to fast longer times up to 75 hours. I learned to eat more fats to balance out the fasting and deal with cravings. I kept on weight-lifting. I navigated meals for my birthday, Thanksgiving, long weekend in NYC and the winter holidays without losing my mind. I shopped thrift stores for smaller clothing. I weighed myself every day. I recorded all numbers. I made lists of accomplishments and motivational sayings.

I decided to invest in a keto mojo monitor so I would know when I was or was not in ketosis. I learned how to prick my finger to take measurements. I kept track of my morning blood sugar numbers and calculated my daily GKI ratio. I could no longer kid myself about the effect a meal out had on me. I decided to stop drinking alcohol for the duration. I did not try for perfection but I did strive for awareness and clarity.

Early in Stage 3 I entered onderland with much rejoicing. By the end of the year I had lost 44 pounds total in 22 weeks.

The next stage (4) is the current stage.

A recount of Stage 2 of my current health Journey

Mid-September of 2018 I changed up several things in my health quest and I continue to do them today.

I started super-slow strength training. I have wanted to do this kind of training with a trainer for years. I view this as a fun thing I can now do thanks to more time in my schedule.

I added a few more foods back into my eating plan. I eat olives, avocados, cauliflower, spinach, mushrooms, 100% baking chocolate and other LC choices although my meals are still primarily fat, meat, seafood and eggs.

I started fasting to heal my insulin resistance. (see any of Dr. Jason Fung's books if you are interested in the science or 'why' behind this) At first I panicked when I didn't eat for 24 hours but I kept plugging away at it.  I learned that eating is mostly habit for me. After all I have months of stored energy available to me on my body. Do I ever feel true hunger?

I also learned how to plan better and dealt with many (too many) restaurant meals. Planning ahead for me is key. I started tracking my strength training numbers as well. Got on the scale everyday

By the end of another 6 or so weeks I was down another 14 pounds and I lost 4 inches on my waist, 8 inches on my hips. I dug out smaller clothing I had put away. My edema was mostly gone and my blood pressure was back to normal.

Lots of positive outcomes but I was dreading the start of the holiday season which for me starts at the end of October.

Stage 3 recount coming up

A recount of Stage 1 of my current health journey

Apparently I have a strange idea of fun because shortly after writing the previous post I decided I had time to focus once again on weight loss. This was 5+ months ago.
          
My goals: lose 100 pounds [or so], get way more energy [lots more], get rid of edema, lower inflammation and heal my insulin resistance.
     

To get myself into ketosis as quickly as possible I ate meat, seafood, eggs, a little cheese, mayonnaise and coffee and tea for 6 weeks. I removed all sugars including fruit and sweeteners including stevia. I took baseline measurements of waist, hips, bust and thigh. I weighed myself every day. I tracked all these numbers on a spreadsheet. 

I lost 15 pounds and went into ketosis. (fat-burning mode). My breath smelled so bad - mint essential oils were a necessity.

I know I need to document my health efforts else I become lazy and mindless. So I am going to do so here for 2019.

Stage 2 recount to come.

The past 3 plus years

Where have I been the past 3 years?  The simple answer: Graduate School.

Why didn't I post while in school? Truth: In my experience blogging is more fun than classwork. If I wanted to complete all of my writing assignments I had to limit the distraction of other writing.  So I did. 

All of my classwork is done and I have my final project to complete. I feel that I can start slowly adding fun things back into my life. This may only be a couple of posts a month but I am delighted to have some time to do old things I like to do.