a big goal accomplished


There I was typing away at my story and suddenly my eyes drifted down to the word count, I am at 50,011.

I was bewildered now I am stunned. I did it. Words fail.

6 days off equals fabulous

Word count = 45126
Today I just love nanowrimo deeply. Even though there were many great hours with family celebrating Thanksgiving I got writing done. and I am feeling great about doing tons more today as I enjoy my super long weekend off from work.

Made it to the Y already, our own turkey is cooking today since I am a big leftover fan and I need the protein. All is good and I cannot wait to write this afternoon.

so in yesterday's snippet I realized that I have never talked much about music in this blog, which seems funny now. Anyway, I love music, pretty much everything but gospel or country. I am one of those people who always have it on in the background but I also spend a lot of time actively listening to it. I find if I am not going out and listening to live music that is a signal I am not doing well in the self care department.

Probably because I am not a European I only heard of Sarah Bettens a few years ago, she is immensely popular across the water. Since then I have seen her at Michfest and she was all kinds of awesome. Anyway I found this amazing video the other day of the Sarah Bettens song: Fine. Her official video of the song is hysterically funny, she is dressed up as a lip syncing teen but this one blew me away. And I am not a video person really but the footage of Sarah looking into the camera is just so -- although probably just a performance for me it's like a loving kindness meditation caught on camera. wow

so there I got some musical sharing out there, now off to write, write like the wind...

full of Thanksgiving

Though not tummy-wise since it's still just morning and the feast has not happened yet.

word count 43024, I feel incredible, scared and full of awe. Who am I? This person who has written this many words.

While checking email I read the notice for Ellis' new video blog. I love her music and I also love the joy she radiates. I live in the same town as her so I have seen her perform many times, and besides the music she gives to her audience her transparent joy is amazingly affirming, the bonus gift. [Just realized I never talk about music on this blog which is odd considering how big music is in my life]

Sometime 3? or so years ago on her journal page I saw my first mention of nanowrimo and thought 'that sounds awesome. I want to try that'. It took a few years but here I am doing it and in the homestretch.
So a big heart thank you and bow is going out to Ellis for being the seed that got me to this incredible November and word count, in fact I am going to shoot her an email telling her that. I guess we never know when we may gift a seed to someone else.

Nanowrimo, just one of the many things in my rich life for which I am thankful.
Let's see what happens.

"write like the wind" Chris Baty

skipping encouraged

word count 41,205 very busy at work yesterday hardly any writing.

Also I was feeling a bit stuck, I felt like I was in a blah place in the story and not really sure how to get from the middle to the next place. Inspiration was sorely lacking until I saw nanowrimo creator Chris' latest video. He suggested that you skip to the middle, the end, where ever, if you get bogged down in the story and I realized oh yeah, I'm a bit bogged down here, but I can just keep moving and go somewhere else and keep on writing.

In other news had my last resiliency training meeting this morning. Resiliency Training has been awesome. I truly credit the stuff I am doing in RT as the reason I am doing nanowrimo this year and not just longing for it. I feel so different from September in all the best ways I have more ease and more hope. Woot!

are you sitting down?

If not perhaps you should? or maybe not, maybe it's just me.

Word count: 41,075

How the hell did this happen? Who am I, besides an assuredly crazy person with a word count like that? I admit here that I have twice in the past 15 years or so have made an attempt to start a piece of fiction and it only went for a few pages, really going nowhere. And now in November of 2009 I have written of 41k words of fiction. it's surreal.

And I have to wonder what else can I do? Just last month I wasn't aware I could do this and yet here I am. This is what hope is to me, the proof that we are never stuck in our past.

first car mourning

word count: 36370
About 15 years ago my ex and I bought my very first new car. In fact it's the only car I have ever bought new.
Yesterday I sold it. In the past 6 years I have only put on about 14,000 miles, due to my 2 back surgeries it had become much less comfortable to drive. But prior to 2004 that car was like an extension of me.
I really thought that I had already moved on and let go of that car but when I saw my green subaru legacy wagon being driven away my lips started to quiver, really.
I cried in that car. Laughed, sang, had serious talks. Travelled. Commuted. And suffered from incredible migraines in it. It's AWD took me through all kinds of weather, it never broke down on me and now it is gone on to a new life as top car for someone else. Which is good, I guess. I am sure it was the right thing to do selling my car. And I really needed the money, I sold it for a fair price with no lying and I hated having a car just sitting around not really getting used when so many people are in need. So yes, it must be a good thing.

But I do miss that car. Grief sneaks up at the weirdest times.

cheating heart?

Word count : 32,300 [lots more writing planned for the evening]
So I think I am love with one of the characters in the story I am writing for nanowrimo. Is that normal? I know other writers but since I am not a writer [really, I don't think I am ] I have never talked about writing fiction with anyone else.

So I told a friend on Thursday that I thought I was in love with one of my characters. Or maybe it is just a crush, after all, I don't know her very well, I know I like her a lot. My patient friend almost choked [was it laughter?], you made her up, how can you not know her. I tried to explain I only made her up a few weeks ago, not a very long time at all to get to know someone. :)

Surely it helps writing if you like the people you are writing about, right? and I have had crushes on fictional characters written by others. Faith the vampire slayer, now there was a character to crush on or Aud, one of Nicola Griffiths lead characters. But falling for your own character...normal or narcissistic? I remember now I always found that story about falling in love with the statue odd and kind of controlling....huh.
Either way off to write, perhaps more about fictional boundaries and the lines we cross later.

why write

Yes, I have been writing word count: 32,188
As well as actually writing I have been thinking about writing. Why does a person like to write, want to write? Does it tug some different part of our brain? Mostly I write here because I want to, although I never forget there is some audience out there this blog is not private, my writing here is not what I put in my personal journal. and of course my bad fiction that is nanowrimo is different yet again and I am writing it to stretch, for change, for fun.

And then that led me to the companion question why read? For story, for validation, for information sharing....as many different reasons as people perhaps. Which led me to wonder, why do you people who read this blog read it?

No pressure, no need to leave a comment or anything but if you wanted to shoot me an email [through my profile] and tell me I would be sincerely interested in hearing why.

in gratitude for the weekend, my love, the weekend and the mild weather

exhausted and crazy

word count 28,746

and I am a crazy person. I have been writing and writing and working and talking. I have written about twelve thousand words in the past two days and my brain is total mush. Yesterday I was thinking fond thoughts about my story having fun, today I am ready to just throw it all in but here I am closing in on 30,000 words. and it might be total crap, but I just don't care. It can be crap but here I am stretching myself in a new way, and I know that is a good thing. As someone's sig on the forum says "embrace the crap"

I can't believe I am doing it. Go nanowrimo!

tropical storms are more than 'a bit of rain'

first word count: 23331

If you have been wondering "where are my snippets" rest assured you were not forgotten. I merely flew into Virginia Beach just in time for Tropical Storm Ida.

I never realized it before but when a hurricane is downgraded to a tropical storm it's still more than just a shower. And you there on the coast stop that snickering. I just lacked experience before. Well I can say that no longer.

I'll just go on the record for a few things:

First, electricity is a wonderful thing when you have it, especially if you need it for heat, hot water and cooking. [and computers]
Second, I love the workers at Dominion Power who got the power back for us by Saturday evening.
Third, I have the cutest goddaughter in the world. What do you think?

Can't see a picture huh? That's because once again blogger will not let me get an image online. Apparently the appropriate stars are not aligned, so you'll have to use your imagination. She really is adorable though.


First my word count: 12627
Next weekend report:
It was an exhausting weekend. The weather was glorious. I found to my sorrow that different people define the word retreat differently.
While the word retreat made me think of some organized activity interspersed with relaxing hours for quiet reflection and dreaming by the lake while eating food I didn't need to cook.

Others may use the word retreat when they mean 'intensive tiring 2 day couple workshop' that will leave you wrung out but will be especially helpful if you have been feeling disconnected from your partner or if you are having couple issues. And the food will be mediocre cafeteria type food but you won't need to cook it.

Don't get me wrong it was not bad in any way. The leaders did a beautiful, loving job crafting the workshop but it was exhausting and I really needed more quiet rejuvenating. My wife and I do couple's therapy and virtually all that was covered in the workshops we have 'imago dialogued' about in therapy so it was affirming but nothing really new came out.

We are also introverts and we just need more down time then a lot of people. So that disconnect was a bit disappointing. But oh well, it was just a misunderstanding, mostly on my part. It pretty much took Monday for us to recover. And now we know. It can be tough being an over worked introvert. I will hope for an easier time for the rest of the month.

Back to writing for me!

heart work

Over 10 thousand words. I don't quite believe it. I guess not writing much before I would have assume that it would take way longer for me to write 10000 words, but there it is. My user name on nanowrimo is cervyn if any are interested though I don't have a lot out there besides my word count. I have been mostly writing.

This weekend we are participating in a couples workshop. It sounds like it will be wonderful and tiring and I bet I won't be writing my story this weekend because other stuff will be going on. But it should be totally worth it.

The weather has been lovely for much of this week. That nasty early snow some weeks ago is something I have tried to erase from my memory. I will just enjoy the warmth today. Glorious, in the sixties and the same for the weekend. It's wonderful.
I was overwhelmed with sadness earlier when I realized my friend was no longer alive to see this beautiful world.
Though what do I know maybe she still does.

sad snippet

It is shaping up to be a very odd November, and it's only the 5th.

Nano is going well. I have 9400+ words and I am not really sure how I got here. I do know that I am having fun. I even have fun when someone asks me what I am writing about and I tell them in my serious tone, 'box cutters and how to name them' My birthday also was very nice [and without tears] and I am grateful for that.

At the same time I am sick at heart. A colleague Jean W. was murdered this week. I just read this evening that her husband has been charged. I am stunned every time I think about it. It just doesn't seem really possible that someone who visited my home several years ago is now murdered. And the papers quote the attorney linking it to domestic violence and it's presence still in our lives and...well there isn't really anywhere to go from here. I feel at a loss. A completely new situation here.

So I guess I'll do what a lot of us do when faced with the unknown, pray. I hope that Jean is a peaceful light-filled, pain-free place. And I pray for healing for her entire family left behind.

why haven't I done this before

This could very easily be first week euphoria for nanowrimo but wow. It's great. Apparently I am as capable as the next person at writing bad fiction. I am enjoying it, I am not even thinking actually about it being good or bad, I am just amazed at me doing this new thing...I have over 5000 words, written, on my story. It's like being in yoga class and trying something new that looks totally impossible and finding out you can actually do it. Maybe not well, but your body will bend like that.

I am searching for words and not finding them. I am starting to suspect I will not be the same person who started this month. Right now it is awesome, empowering.

So happy birthday to me! Finally joining nanowrimo, not waiting until I have "more time" may be the best birthday gift I ever gave myself.

By the way, you all are awesome as well.

parties and cakes

We had a fabulous holiday this weekend with a party and costumes and lots of cake. This was the first halloween party I have had since I was 15 years old.

I just realized I basically wore the same 'costume' as my last party. Although when I was 15 I wore an old pink velvet dress that belonged to one of my great aunts. This time I just got dressed up in velvet and diamonds and my grandmother's rhinestone necklace, because if you aren't going to honor your dead on Halloween all I can say is you are way braver than I am. Several wore clever and great cotumes including my wife who made herself a fabulous costume so that she could look like our dog. I still laugh just picturing it in my mind's eye. One of my favorite couples who came as Calvin and Hobbs quite stole my heart, and the couple who dressed as a priest and nun were pretty scary.

Anyway it was such fun. The only downside was a third of the people who planned on coming ended up not making it. Quite a few got sick, 2 had a death in the family and so on. They were missed. And that means I have a lot of leftover cake. I find cake to be the hardest thing to bake when you are trying to avoid white sugar and white flour. My chocolate cake came out well with good flavor though a bit dry. The apple cake had more of a coffee cake vibe going for it and is very enjoyable. I will be enjoying cake for most of this week that's for sure. There are plenty of leftovers. A sweet day to all!

november snippets coming

Well I did it. After several years of wishing I 'had the time' I signed up for nanowrimo. I may be insane but I finally realized that I should just do it instead of wishing I had.

The turning point came this morning. I had thought about it the whole month of October but hadn't signed up, then I got busy with our halloween party and spaced out that yesterday was the start, November 1. This morning I was looking at my schedule and feeling a bit sad, because it was too late, thinking 'oh maybe next year' and then suddenly I snapped. and signed up then and there. If I can figure out how to add the button to my page here I will do so.

and my word count is 2228 right now.

I may not make it but at least I am giving myself the fun of trying. That being said I foresee a blog full of snippets and typos this month. I hope you all can cheer me on.

Happy birthday to my oldest friend Beth, born two days apart we have been friends for a long time. It' s been way too long since we have spoken, so I am off to email her right away. But I want to send love through my blog as well....jic.