exercise irritation snippet

Word count: 59,454 [closing in on 60K]
Missed a workout with a good friend yesterday which bummed me out, not sure if it was the work stress shooting through the roof or if I am 'fighting off' some illness that is stalking me.

Right now I am guessing stress because usually when I am getting sick I sleep a lot and last night sleep was eluding me. I thought and dreamed about many silly things so before I go work out and then write more I need to share an irritation. Perhaps in the sharing it will become lighter.

Why is it that work out clothes always seem to be cut small and are hardly ever made for bigger women? It is a lucky day for me right now if I can fit into a piece of XL exercise clothing, I can't imagine what women bigger than I do. I mean we all need to exercise, right? Why not have a range of sizes, including big ones? Or wait, is there some exercise clothing warehouse I am unaware of the already does this? If so please share, because I doubt I am alone in my frustration. Ok, off to get the happy pill of exercise!


Wow I am still sore from Sunday. Before I dive into that
word count: 58,467, feeling happy about writing.

Back to my soreness, for some reason I thought it would be fun? easy? smart? [perhaps I just didn't think] to go to my first yoga class in 9 months on Sunday morning and then later that evening do 2 hours of ECD again, for the first time in 9 months.

I think it was the yoga that caused the overall soreness, my almost 3 months of steady exercise notwithstanding, yoga uses stuff that doesn't get used often enough. I went into pigeon and almost had a panic attack. But I tried a new teacher and really enjoyed it. Especially the stopping part, I do love it when yoga is over, and I know I am not alone in that.

The dancing was great. My ankle did stiffen up during the break though I realized the next ball is just a little over 2 months away and I better get ready for it. It is always surreal to walk outside afterwards and feel warm at 5 degrees Fahrenheit. I was happy with how good it felt although my search for the perfect dancing shoe continues.

xmas 2009

Was really rather jolly. We are in the midst of our yuletide traditions. Let's see depending on how you count it it's the 6th day of Yule. So at the halfway mark. We are opening gifts every day or so, I cooked my families' traditional xmas eve meal for the first time ever. My part was all very fishy and well received by the 10 or so gathered. Everyone brought something to add to the meal. And of course since I have been online last I have shoveled and shoveled and shoveled. No complaints from me this year about living in MN and not having a white winter solstice. The neighbors have an awesome igloo going up.

My holiday wish is that I find out about an awesome 12th night celebration to attend this year, perhaps with some mumming.

And now some downloads I thought were rather cool for those who enjoy xmas music, I particularly enjoyed 'hungover boxing day':

I have some quiet time before the party tonight so I am off to write down the story scenes that have been rattling around in my head. And more self care, must do more of that! I hope everyone is enjoying some downtime, except those workng in retail, you have my deepest sympathies--hang in there!

the sound of a voice

So lately I have been hearing a voice. Specifically my own voice. I cannot remember how many times in the past month or so I have heard myself say something and thought 'wow I sound so nasal' and then have spoken again in a what seems to me to be a clearer [purer?] tone. I do not remember ever noticing how my own voice sounds before. I have always been one of those people that when I did hear myself I have wondered 'do I really sound like that?' I have asked my nearest if I sound different to them and they said no.

So why on earth does it seem I can suddenly hear my own voice? Is there something I am trying to say to myself, to the world? Does this mean anything? Has this ever happened to anyone else? I hope it's not a symptom for something dreadful.

No writing update today, unexpected company sucked away some time I thought would go to writing.

Feel free to think 'ye gods this woman is really reaching for blog posts here'. But these odd things need to get recorded somewhere...

winter solstice 2009

Happy solstice to all those out there of the pagan persuasion! Heck happy happy to everyone.
word count: 57,451

I had to decide when I started this post if I was going to indulge in a mini rant about christians who complain about how all the rest of us are ruining xmas for them. Then I decided really I just have 2 things to say on the subject before I go onto merrymaking for the next 12 days of Yule:

1] Yo, Jesus was not born in the winter, xmas was set at this time of the year so that the early christian church could take over [and try to tone down-ha!] a raucous midwinter festival that no one wanted to give up. So really it wasn't your holiday in the first place and spare my ears about how 'non christians' are just ruining it for you. Take care of your own damn spirituality and traditions. To my christian friends [and my wife] that give me hope that the christian religion isn't totally screwed, I love you.

2] I do not know what it is like to be jewish in this country [ though being pagan is no picnic let me tell you] but I will not give up my midwinter festivities because to you they all have christian connotations. Though I empathize with the pain that has been done by those calling themselves christian to you and yours and I hope you take care of yourself at all times. Call me selfish, but see #1 above, it was a pagan festival first. I am putting up my yule greens if I want. oh and I love you as well.

There we go, my mini rant. It can be such a sucky time for people this time of the year, so perhaps I will simply indulge in some wishes that I hope everyone can support.

For all: Clothing, Food, Shelter, Safety, Peace, Ease, Good Health and Love.

fullness and cycles

It's been a very full weekend. I guess a lot of people have traditions at this time of the year. I really enjoy creating personal traditions and yearly or seasonal landmarks, it seems to fit nicely with my pagan-ness.

One December tradition is the Ellis food shelf concert at Gingkos with my dear friend. It was an excellent evening, the only 2 downsides was that the bag of stuff I had ready for the food shelf drive decided to hide itself just as I was trying to leave the house [plenty more opportunities to donate though] and the 3 women who apparently came to the show to chat with each other not listen to the music that were sitting in front of us. *sigh* Yes you did make it really hard for some of us to hear the show. And there are hundreds of other places you could have gone if chatting was your goal for the evening.

On the other hand no blood was shed and I officially forgive them in the true al-anon style--meaning I just don't want to hold on to the resentment. Also when you don't hear someone play live for a year you are delighted with a ton of new material, it was great.

I had a blast at our dinner party last night, I hope all the guests did as well.
Plans are being made for xmas eve, at long last by the christians in our family, and today is the annual [early this year] solstice celebration at my church.

I had some great downtime this morning and my headache did not turn into a migraine. I have the day off tomorrow and will have time for writing - yeah! It has been a full weekend already. Pretty typical for this time of year, I wish for all to be full of love, food and gratitude. Happy mother night! The sun is coming back.

dinner party V

Word count: 56,081
just look at that word count growing away again. Perhaps not like the weed that was November, more like grass in July, but still. Oh and my wife has no problem with my crush on my fictional character which is good. I still think it's pretty weird. But crushes I guess are always part of life.

We recommitted this autumn to inviting small groups of people over for dinner and Saturday is the night. We knew the date being so close to the holidays might make it more challenging but we love doing it so we are just going for it. Of course at our rate of invitation it may take us 10 years to invite all of our friends to a small dinner party it is slow going. I only mention this so that if you live in the area and have not been invited yet rest assured your time is coming. :)

Spoiler: if you are invited and you are reading this, you are about to find out what you are going to have. Squash soup, hunter's chicken [chicken cacciatora], rice, sauteed fennel bulb, apple crisp and homemade cinnamon ice cream. Cider and wine A simple meal for a cold evening in December.

In other food news, my not multi-tasking when eating is going well. I think I am at about 90%. Sometimes though I just plain forget. Like this morning I was grabbing some tuna on a cracker and was halfway through when I woke up enough to realize I was eating in front of the computer. Still progress.

I hope all are well and looking forward to fabulous weekends.

story time

word count: 54,393
Writing is happening again and I could not be happier about that. It's nice to have something to feel positive about.

Luckily this is just a first draft because my lack of knowledge about Amsterdam, dutch culture can be something of a hang up. I don't think there is anyone from the Netherlands reading this blog, but how I wish there was. I would have a million questions to ask. :)

I was actively missing my story the past 5 days or so and dreaming about it at night. Which ended up being helpful because sometimes I have no idea how to get to where my story is ultimately going. It feels so great to be back at it. I am hoping to get quite a bit done on it through the end of the month, but more importantly at this point I am hoping to enjoy it. Because I need some happy in my life right now.

Oh and my lead character is hot and I definitely have a crush on her. It has gone beyond liking.

my Cervyn

On August 1, 1994 a litter of border collies was born, 5 sisters,on a farm in Glenwood Springs, MN. By the end of September 1994 one of them had come to live with me.
She was a joy, quick learner, a great herder, a peerless communicator from a breed known for communications skills, a flyball champion, she loved frisbees more than food, hated water and she was my dear dog. Who, I believe, lived 15+ years of a pretty stellar doggie life, though not being a dog myself I can't be positive.

Her long life ended today, she failed very rapidly while I was away in CA. It seemed like she was waiting for me to get back so we could say good bye and I could feed her some cheese.
Which I did and now she is gone. And part of me is trying to remember just why we have these pets that we know will die and it will hurt so bad. And part of me is just grateful that I had her. And then there are other parts, but they all hurt right now except for the ones that are numb.
One of the most beautiful sights in the universe is a border collie flat out running over a green field.

xmas and klingons!

No new word count, but now that I am not giving my parents 90% of my time, I should have time to write again. I miss my story so much, I have been thinking about it a lot the last few days.

I'm sure you are all anxiously wondering how the Klingon Christmas Carol was...it was fabulous. I am just sorry that since I saw the last performance for the year it is now too late for any of you to rush out and buy tickets for it.

I really applaud all the actors for their great performance. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to act in an 'alien' language, constantly walking the line between camp, story, and inside jokes. Fleshing out something that many would consider a skit idea to a full length play must have been challenging but they met it. and it was quite beautiful in its own way. Afterwards when the three of us talked it over I realized that I missed some stuff, it was quite dense with detail. This is it's third year, and I hope they do it again next year. I am thinking I have found a holiday tradition I can get behind whole-heartily.
I needed a shot of lightness and holiday festivity this week and the Klingons filled that need beautifully.

The only disappointment, no singing of carols celebrating the 'longest night' in Klingon. Perhaps next year.

my mom played baseball

My mom lost her only brother the first week of December. She is the eldest and it was very unexpected for her. No one had any idea that he was so sick.

When I was visiting she was grieving. Remembering his first steps and she also told me the story of him breaking his arm while they were playing baseball. My mind screeched to a halt. My mother, engaged in a physical activity? My mother had never modeled any type of physical activity for me at all as a child. The idea of her playing at a sport, even informally, had my mind spinning. I always assumed she had been a 'bookworm' child, she was always so sedentary. She was never interested in any sports on tv.

I questioned her and she told me she had played baseball all through childhood, she had loved it but then her mother made her stop at 12 'because she was 'too big to be playing with boys', this was in 1938. I offered that perhaps if she had been born 50 years later she could have played softball at the Olympics and she told me that she was much too awkward.

A wave of unexpected fury washed over me. My mother had told me previously how her mother had told her she was awkward. Perhaps I thought bitterly if she had been allowed to play sports she would have been comfortable in her body. I didn't really believe she was ever awkward anyway. Then I sighed and relaxed my anger at my poor grandmother long dead and just enjoyed knowing something new about my mother.

She told me about how one of the girls who had been 4 years older than her had been a super player, she could never get a hit off of her. She smiled thinking of that old 'tomboy' friend who had later became a nun. I just smiled, my mother played baseball.

parental challenges

This past week got sucked up with my parents in the best way. Next time I am going away and thinking that I will have lots of time to write and blog and rest someone should shoot me an email and tell me to wake up! It just doesn't seem to work that way.

But that is ok, my parents are in their 80s and live in palm springs, I don't see them that often at all. I thought I would have a lot of down time with them but my mum was a powerhouse this week, I am amazed at all that we got done. Mostly xmas shopping and baking, but also a trip to Mexico for prescription refills.

The best part was really seeing my parents and spending concentrated time with them. It is so hard to say good bye though when I leave. I feel guilty that I am not around to care for them more. I also wonder if I will see them again.

I guess that is true of everyone we say good bye to we don't know for sure that we will see anyone again but with elderly parents the thought seems to be at the forefront. There was a surreal moment when I hugged my mum, and even though she is shorter than me somehow my head fit onto her shoulder and I was a little girl again.

It scares me so much that some day I will be a girl without a living mother, and yet I know virtually all women go through this. It is just a part of life. Not to be morbid, death just seems very close this month. oh well.

drive by happy anniversary

It was a beautiful sunny day in CA. Much holiday baking was done. Not much writing has been done yet today but I have to say happy anniversary to a dear, dear friend.

My chief bridal ninja, my spiritual twin and someone who actually remembers me from my teens. A exceptional musician, a talented artist and a mistress of all things Virgo.

I can't even imagine what my life would be like without her presence. Sometimes when I look at the love in my life I can't comprehend I how got this lucky. I am truly grateful for all of it.

And today I lift a freshly baked cookie to her in snowy MN with love. Here's to our next tattoo.

and now no sun

This was all set to post on Dec 7th, but then we had the power outage, read this like it is Monday.

Please note this is not a complaint, because really it is funny. It seems every time I go someplace like Yuma or Palm Springs where they have very little rain what does it do when I visit ...rain. Today it poured all day, it was a bit odd but it basically seemed like home, just a bit warmer. Except for all the palm trees which look really odd when it is grey, cool and raining. I think it is about 46 right now. It's worth it to see my parents though. I miss my home which is expecting a major snow tomorrow, and my sweet wife, but it is really lovely seeing them

They are so dear and so old and precious. I feel very conscious of enjoying them while I still have them.

Other news:
My word count is slowly creeping up: 53090 I am not really sure how to write this section and I feel pressed for time while I am here so slow progress I guess is good. I may just skip ahead and write the next part soon if inspiration doesn't strike.

Lots of randomness here today, a least partially in my head, and mexico to look forward to tomorrow, er wednesday, the power outage is delaying stuff.

there is sun here

Word count: 52698 some done on the plane

Seems like the past 2 days were spent getting here to Palm Springs. It is sunny and quite nice. And there are big piles of dirt and rock everywhere which people call mountains, but don't really do anything for me, I have to admit. Give me an ocean anytime

Still it's lovely to be seeing and helping my parents. It's even rather nice to miss my wife, I feel lucky to have such a nice one to miss. So onward to xmas shopping and baking this week. hohoho

And hopefully an increasing word total.

lay offs

So no updated word count today, it's been a very tense, tight 24 hours or so. Hopefully I will be able to write later this evening.

My company gave notice to many people of massive lay offs today. The end date is January 29. Needless to say it has been surreal. It's like someone has died, and it is so hard to know what to say to these people. I just want to wail, but that almost seems insulting here I still have my job for now.
Survival guilt has its own set of discomforts. I will be losing 3 team mates by the end of January and 2 more in June. I have no idea what is going to happen, how the work will all get done.

Not to be looking into the future too much but this is such a stressful time of year and to have this swirling all around. wow. I feel compassionate, lucky, empathetic, scared, grateful and stunned.
Everyone over 19 realizes that life isn't fair, but it doesn't make it suck any less sometimes.

holidays have begun 09

Word count: 52029

For me the holidays begin with a day long event with one of my best friends. Which does not have a clever name or acronym like IMAD does, which really it should. hmmmm.

Anyway 13, 15, a lot of years ago, [were we still in college when we started!?!] we agreed that we really didn't want to 'buy' each other something for the winter holidays what we would rather do is:
- have a fabulous meal together somewhere
- spend fun time together during a sometimes frantic season
- perhaps get some present buying done for others

This year was a rousing success. We did find some gifts for others, our personal purchases was minimal [thank you IMAD] , we had two fabulous meals, picked up tickets for a food shelf concert we support every year and I, I'll speak for myself, had a great time.

We have even planned a fabulous addition to our holiday celebrations this year. Nothing says happy holidays like Klingons.

What you didn't know I was a big old geek? The fact that my degree was in mathematics and I married a physicist didn't clue you in? Aren't you the non judging soul, good for you.

I hope the klingons sing!


ok, now I can't remember if that word had a hyphen in it or not.
So I am going to keep on with the snippets in December, cause you all want me to keep writing, I hope? Although since I am only about halfway through my first draft it's going to go on for awhile, because I don't see how I can keep up the 50,000 words in a month pace in December. But then who knows? I am spending some time researching Amsterdam as well.

Word count: 51265 [darn I miss that graph]

So writing aside, I have accepted another self challenge. To stop multi-tasking while eating my food, the biggest culprit is reading. It's been 2 days, and I have done ok. I did eat a pear while driving yesterday and then realized as soon as I swallowed the last bite 'whoops'

Anyway if you live in Mpls take pity on me and join me for a meal :) way easier to not read when there is good company...

Winning Nanowrimo was simply awesome, if you have ever thought of it, go for it next year! I'll be with ya.