Starting Single

I read a line in the Wedding Goddess today. It was something like ‘you walk down the aisle single and come back married’. And I thought of how simple that sounds. It is simple I guess in some ways if you look at it a certain way. Of course you could then look at birth like a woman goes into the delivery room and comes out a mother but that is also a pretty bald and laughable statement. Because that time before the wedding [or before birth] takes a whole lot of effort.

My engagement period is almost over, in less than a week it will be my wedding day. I have not been in my single state all this time, it’s been different. It’s also been different from a partnered state.. I feel like I have been gestating this wedding, this marriage for months. Instead of constant trips to the bathroom and leg swelling it has been lists, phone calls, decisions and letting go. I have been ‘between’ two states for months [or in a third] and I am going to end up somewhere different after the wedding.

I notice I am pretty comfortable in my current state and rather disinclined to change it. Although exhausting and a big job and scary it is also fun to be engaged. It is fun to plan parties for your family and friends. It is fun to have loved ones reaching out in love and support. Heck opening all those boxes is fun too. [the recycling is a challenge though] Most importantly I have gotten used to it. I have been engaged since January, and it’s almost October. I am pretty good at this engaged stuff and here I am planning on changing it all and soon. I can barely remember what it was like to be single and I realize there is some stuff I will mourn and miss from this engagement.

Sometimes the next turn of the wheel surprises us and sometimes we get a preview for months prior either way-- we change.


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