Monthly and Annual Goals

Although I prefer to call them challenges rather than goals... so then my goal is to succeed at my challenges.

Words are funny.

So I am attempting (again) to meditate daily for a full calendar year and/or 365 days in a row.

I have completed January successfully!  So I want to celebrate that win.

There was a big routine change in the middle of the month with kittens entering my life, so my habit of meditating 8 minutes downstairs while my coffee brewed stopped working on work days. Kittens are very distracting.  This week I switched to meditating upstairs first thing upon waking. So far so good.

Onto month #2!

I also have short term monthly challenges, so more on February's challenge later.

New wallet and a theory

I have had a simple black leather wallet for years.  My sweet wife bought it for me as a 'anniversary of the day we met' years ago.  It's lovely leather, not too big and does everything a wallet should do. It's not exciting which is fine. I never thought about wallets really.

But in the past month someone was writing about choosing a new wallet, It had to be a bright color so that she could find it easily in her purse. This sounds brilliant to me. I hate it when I can't find things in my handbag. So I decided to keep my eye out at thrift/consignment stores for a bright wallet.

Yesterday I found a great snakeskin leather wallet for less than $7 dollars... in chartreuse. It is a great size, good quality and looks like it has never been used. The interior and exterior is pristine. I cleaned out my old wallet last night and put the necessaries in the new one.

So I am ready to test this theory. Will this [obnoxiously] bright color make my wallet easier to find? Time will tell.

apprehension and routines

I like to think I am a person who isn't routine bound but I guess I depend on them at the same time. Mondays, which I usually have off, are days where I recover, write and recharge.

Today though I needed to spend half the day in the office, it didn't seem like a big deal but now the day is almost over and I have felt off all day. I haven't gotten anything done or at least that is how it seems. But I don't feel badly about it, just vaguely confused. It's like it's a lost day and I am waiting for my normal Monday to come around.

I have also been waiting about news about my friend. I don't know whether I should be concerned that I have not heard an update since last week. I feel fearful and silly at the same time. I dread what I may hear if I call but at the same time it's so silly to dread something that may not have even happened... Hmmmm.

I certainly have that human habit of pain avoidance. Off to be gentle with myself and maybe make a call.

One of my laughs today "Meditation. It's not what you think"

It's craptastic

This has been one of those weeks where I really need to chicken, else I'll end up climbing into a black hole of a hormonal well that may take me the rest of the summer from which to escape. [how many people just winced reading that...or maybe ducked and ran for cover..?]

what was hard:
-having to work part of my normal day off.
It was unpleasant but manageable until the week kept getting worse.
-at work, layoffs coming, people in 'my' position by 25%
This had everyone in pain, frustration, anger. It was almost impossible to shield it out. Thanks to my metaphor I can deal with the effect on me personally fairly well. When dealing with work=active addict my expectations are low. But the huge waves of anger and depression from everyone were everywhere. I felt like I was trying to swim in it and almost drowning. And what would be better; being one of those left with a huger amount of work or being one of those trying to find a new job? I can't even tell anymore.
-someone guessed my age at 15 years higher than it is
This just left me flabbergasted. It was the day of the above work announcement which must have also resulted in me looking like death.
-things all felt off
I couldn't get into a flow for anything. I dropped things, forgot things, was tired no matter how much sleep I did or didn't get. Combination of stress universe at work and mercury retrograde?
-Poison ivy
probably from my dog, since I did not tramp around in the woods last weekend like others did. so itchy.
-pms hormones made all of the above feel worse and personal
blech.

Wow, I hated typing all that out, it's been a such a week. But this helps me remember there were good nay great parts to the week as well.

What was good:
-3 days of perfect summer weather.
highs in the mid 70's with sun and a breeze. 3 days of weather happy.
-I love virgos!
and the virgo birthday season has started which includes some of my bestest friends. There have been presents and phone calls and chocolate soufflé and dinners out. Celebrations!
-my wife and family and friends
I am so fortunate to have a large network of people who have the time to talk with me, reassure me, and love me even when part of me feels like I'm choking on stress [and apparently look about 87 years old] and really exaggerating.
-in the midst of it all I was able to find space and be nice to me, sometimes.
sure I would love it if I could do it all the time and with ease, but still I could feel compassion and I could laugh and I could read silly adventure stories to distract myself.
-the tomatoes
my garden isn't producing many but they are glorious, and lucky me, others more blessed have been sending some my way, both fresh and salsa.

I hope this ritual wrapper helps me start the next week fresh. New starts to all who need them...share if you want about your week. I'd love to hear it.

whoosh

The sound of my life passing very quickly.

See if any of the following applies to your life:

-your 'to do' list is very long or
-it feels too overwhelming to make a list of all you have to do
-your life is full of wonderful things
-sometimes you can't "find" the time to be grateful
-you have trouble making time for the stuff that feeds you
-you want to complain about your workload
-but you feel guilty because you are lucky to have work
-the thaw is exposing vast amounts of dog poo in the yard
-add your own

The thing that is bothering me most on this list is, after the poo, is the doing the stuff that feeds me. Why is it so hard to get in the habit of treating yourself well in practical ways?

Intellectually I know and believe that if I took, say 1/2 hour in the morning, to journal and do qi gong the rest of my life would be better. Those 30 minutes would ripple down in a positive way to me, my loved ones and heck, out to the world. So it's a no brainer right?

This isn't about a 'should', it's about loving myself enough to change habits, stand up for me and do it. I have even managed to implement it at times in my life. But not right now. I feel basically good, although very overwhelmed. I feel fairly willing. But the practice is just not following right now.

Which at this moment seems so discouraging. So it's off to take the fish oil before I forget.