Such a better week. I feel like I had one full week of being ill. Then another week of recovery. Finally this past Monday I started to feel like myself again. Then the catching up began. Then joy.
There is an idea in the Chemistry of Joy. That we all have a reservoir of resiliency which we can draw upon to deal with the stresses that occur in life. Some of us have huge tanks and it takes a lot to deplete us, some are born with smaller tanks and get depleted much more quickly.
I was sitting in my Resilience Training after group last night. We were doing our beginning meditation and checking in with ourselves. I suddenly realized that I was happy, seriously happy verging on giddy. As the evening went on I just got happier seeing people from last autumn's RT group and experiencing the great tea ceremony/ritual/mindfulness exercise that one of our group leaders prepared for us. My negative mind pointed out that it wouldn't last forever [of course nothing does] but I just smiled and told myself I was going to enjoy it anyway.
Later when I was home I realized that my tank [whatever size it is] felt full. Even with all the stress of work I am dealing with it better. Even though one day I had an afternoon migraine and had to cancel a dinner with a friend. The good parts of this week, well I really gave them my attention. I had a great writing afternoon and really felt connected to my story again.
I had 2 'workout dates' with friends and had fun catching up and working out. I had a fab lunch with one friend and a nice dinner with another. Something I had been dreading didn't happen...I hadn't even realized I was dreading it, but I guess I was because I felt a lot of relief when it didn't happen. In between it all I shoveled snow and danced and did my best to let go of the idiocy that is work and appreciated all my co-workers. We are all in this boat together. [is it sinking?] It's been great to feel a lightening up of my grief from the past few months.
I hope I can manage my 'tank' better and keep topping it up so that I can operate on a much more even keel in the upcoming weeks. Qi gong tonight.
So my wish for all to have a stellar weekend, be nice to your sweetie, your pets and you!