something's going on around here

But I am not sure what. I am bothered by the fact that it is review time at work. Not only do I have to do my 'self' review but nine 'peer' reviews. Do most major companies do reviews this way now? It seems so.

I admit I am not crazy about this. I have been doing it for 1o+ years and I am not a supervisor. I suppose I am very skeptical about the usefulness of the whole process and when you are as busy as I am at work it's hard to not feel resentful about stuff that takes up time that you don't really have. As it is I will probably spend a good chunk of the weekend writing these reviews.

Distraction is certainly needed, sometimes living in the moment is sucky, you know, when it's a rather cruddy moment.

How about:
It's 3 degrees F, above zero. 3 above! It's like a heat wave.

How about something frivolous like seasonal colours? I have always been fascinated with various types of color work. It's one of my favorite things to play with and I know I approach many things like knitting through colour. I am a 'Deep Autumn' or maybe a 'Deep Winter'. I really don't know much.

Ok, I give up. The truth is I am just bummed and it's over a rather silly thing. I had an amount in mind that I was willing to pay for a lake cabin. Let's call this amount X. The mortgage payment from this amount I felt would be really reasonable especially at today's interest rates. Carolyn's comfort amount was half again higher. X + [x/2] but she was willing to come down closer to my comfort level. We assumed that the amount I would "pre approve" for would be more like 2X due to great job and great credit score.

I heard today, it's not 2X. The amount we got pre-approved for is right around X. But am I happy, relieved? No. I feel kind of ashamed that the bank didn't want to give me more. I feel 'less than' and uncomfortable. sigh

Although the mathy geekiness is helping. Better tomorrow I am hoping.


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