patterns, what to do

word count = 12210

so I am fairly good at recognizing my patterns. I am also fairly good at trying new things. I am pretty damn good at letting go, especially of perfectionism. Also I think I have gotten kinder as the years pass.

time out for a yeah me!

Here is something I suck at:
replacing a pattern that no longer serves me with a new pattern that reflects the current me.

For instance it took me years [but no judgment, uh huh] to figure out that one of the reasons I didn't really exercise was that I didn't know that I should. Crazy eh?

Finally it clicked [about 5 years ago] that seriously I need to exercise just like sleeping or breathing. it is necessary. I even understood why I hadn't realized that before and I believed it deep down in my body.

However all these years later I have not been able to change my pattern of not exercising to any great extent. I mean I do exercise, at least some. Certainly more than 10 years ago. And I actually know that I need to, I even desire it. But still I can't seem to break the old pattern of not exercising it seems to be always there, it's like it's still holding on ---on some level. Or perhaps it's more clear [ha] to say the old pattern has never been replaced by a new pattern based on my current bone deep realizations? It's like a pattern.

ow. ok more on this later.

[why yes I realize this is basically incoherent, but what can I say, it's November and snippets are pretty incoherent]


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