whirlwind day

Well -- it's March today. February ended with slushy, soggy, messy snow so it's lovely to have it be March and remember Spring is less that 3 weeks away.

It was a busy full day today, including the dentist, and in the evening I volunteered to teach a few women knitting. This was fun and a challenge. One woman has been practicing for 2 weeks and wanted to learn how to perl and the other two had never picked up needles. It was a bit hard to try to show it all.

When the self talk of the two beginners got really negative I felt at a loss. I didn't want to contradict their feelings. But I also wanted to remind them of reality -- when you are trying to learn a new thing it is hard. That's how new things are, there is no fault. I want to say more about this but I realize I'm too tired. I have been noticing my tiredness pattern lately.

Sigh. Hand on heart and deep bow to all the teachers in my life. And off to bed. xo

Adventure report

I spent the long weekend with family in Virginia Beach. I visited the ocean daily and listened for hours. I cared not how cold it was on the shore

I took my god-daughter out and said "Let's go have an adventure" and we did. It involved huge bridges, underwater tunnels, many, many birds, lights, coloring and the ocean.

I woke up every morning to a three year beaming at me and asking "Did you sleep well?"

The disappearance of all my knitting tools meant that I could buy this and not feel guilty. Mine is hot pink and I have wonderful plans to enhance it to a color more to my liking.

No one will be surpassed to hear that shortly after I bought the above - This came back to me! Much knitting followed. My orange bag is being reticent about its adventures but I respect that. So happy it is back.

There were robins everywhere, flocks of robins. Trees full of robins. It was amazing. I am guessing VA Beach is on their migration path and that is why there were hundreds all together. It was surreal, like a robin dream. Their twittering en masse was delightful.

I am amazed at how much adventure was packed into 4 days and as soon as I recover a bit I will be ready for more active adventure seeking.

Wishing you all many happy adventures along with cozy time.

The question-What to do with old yarn?

An answer.

I have a few old balls of acrylic that would love to become art on some grey building. Something to ponder as I continue to enjoy spring-like weather. [and finish a baby sweater]

Next question -What was this week?

Answer-No idea, it felt quite odd.

Random thoughts:

I am still full of snow from last year's abundance. My new snowshoes are languishing as I smile at the green-tan yards outside. The ponds are watery stripes of grey.

Great meditation group last night at the common ground.

After months of desire my office is cleaned up. It only took 2 afternoons. I am trying to notice why it was so stuck for so long and why it suddenly shifted. I see nothing. I am forced to assume magic.

Tonight I am going out to see a new show at the Walker. "Brazen theatrical inventiveness" sounds exhilarating. Ok time to stop trying to write. When exhilarating looks weird I know my brain is shot. I actually had to look it up, I couldn't trust spell check.

Happy weekend all!

so on the first day of autumn

How I spent my equinox.

I wore my brown boots. I started to break in new shoes. I finished a wool scarf, this one, finally.

an aside for knitters:

Seriously it's just silly that it took me so long to finish this. The chill of equinox got me going and it worked out pretty well. Long enough to wear my preferred way and very cozy. One skein was plenty, I have leftovers. But why did I wait so long???

I had a leisurely brunch with a friend. I rode my bike, I worked on my recent creative wind up to Nanowrimo. [how are you getting ready for nano?] I sat by the waterfall[s] in the garden and enjoyed the sun.

That evening I was out with my wife to have dinner down by the river and take in a show. Poor Ellis had lost her voice shortly before the show, it made for a very interesting evening, I think for all of us, and I certainly appreciate her telling us that it didn't actually hurt because it sounded painful at times. It was cool though to hear familiar songs in a new way and the set seemed different because of her 'new' deep voice. I hope she heals quickly. I will always remember her graciousness and ease during a frustrating situation when I have forgotten other shows when all was 'perfect'.

At some point during the night I dreamed that my wife and I were shopping for dining room tables, that was a weird one. All in all a lovely start to autumn and I hope all are having a great weekend. xo

knitting for me, maybe

While I was worried this past week I spent some time clearing out closets. I put a lot of summer clothes away, got a big bag ready for charity, sorted and just tried to get some energy flowing. It was all uphill. I did find my only skein of Malabrigo yarn tucked away in a drawer. As I was petting it [as you do] suddenly things clicked.

The weather was cooler, I had worn my suede coat [remember] already this month. I don't have a scarf that I like. I have been in denial for a couple of years every since I had felted [accidentally!] the last scarf my mom made for me. She is in her 80's, I don't know if she'll ever knit me something again, sigh. But I am a knitter and I have no scarf.

I realized I could experiment with this skein. I am fairly short and I do not have a swan like neck. But I love wearing scarves doubled over with the ends pulled through the apex. Is it possible to knit myself a scarf that would still be cozy yet thin and drapy enough for me to wear it my preferred way without making me look neckless? Will one skein make it long enough? We'll see. It may be the worsted weight is too heavy for this experiment. I decided to take a chance, and put aside the latest baby sweater I was knitting and attempt to make something for me.

Knitting for me has not worked too well in the past, we'll see how it plays out this time. Wish me luck!

knitting completion and recharge

Although they had some periods of agonizing slowness I did get my 2 knitting projects done. Though not by the end of May or even the end of June, although not for lack of trying on my part.

Let's concentrate on the part where the knitting got done and how I am pretty happy with it. I think I showed true creative tenacity in sticking with those projects when all kinds of roadblocks popped up. I even succeeded in keeping comparisons to a minimum [like RWC encouraged] And now I seem to have flowed into one of those periods where the yarn feels right and there is all kinds of ease...my creativity flowing out of my fingers naturally and thought not getting in the way.

Lots of credit has to go to my fiber partner who devised a brilliant series of creative workshops full of fiber that could be successful under less than ideal conditions. [think outside, no shelter/roof, with only 2 tables, heat, humidity, large numbers of participants and running water 50 yards away]. The effect it had on me was like a huge creative battery getting recharged.

'see this is what is possible...' It pushed the limits of my creative process in the best ways. Then towards the end of the week the 'learn to knit' where I watched again people getting it as I varied the ways to show them, connect them. I was reconnected with my knitting on a visceral level, funny how teaching can do that for you. It was like they were sharing the new neural pathways they were creating with me.

The Festival can have a profound effect on one if you are in a place to receive that. This year I was given so many gifts of focus and connection, it was delightful and unexpected. My self care was spot on, truly came from a place of listening clarity. I was also so honoured to have a framework where I could give from my heart, truly it can be a delight to give from a place of ease, it only increases joy. Even the resultant tiredness in the extreme humidity was just what it was. No issue.

Well I'm babbling and full of woo, as you can tell. Words can't really describe how glorious it was. Probably silly of me to try. Ease to all.

creativity slows down blog

That title just seems wrong doesn't it? But it's all too true. Remember last November during nanowrimo and all the snippets. I just wish I had realized I was basically in the same position this month. Although this time the culprit is not writing but knitting.

I have 2 knitting projects that are due this month and seriously I don't know if it's going to happen. I knit incredibly slowly especially for someone who has been knitting since age 9. Also I apparently have no ability to read patterns, follow instructions or remember what I have just read 5 minutes before. This of course cannot possibly be my fault, I place the blame squarely on mercury retrograde. The true cause of all my spaciness and poor communication skills as well. It is all fine having a planet to shoulder the shame, although I have to wonder what I am going to do come May 12th when that sucker goes direct.

Writing has been going well although I have been short of time again due to knitting. But still the first draft is going faster than some of this knitting.
word count= 76,276

non coherent triumph

I finally realized that if I wait until I can string 2 coherent thoughts together this blog may languish for even longer, so here is my random smattering.

What I have been doing: my taxes, exercising, first bike ride of the season [finally], dancing with my wife, the newish sax player in Roxy Hall is so awesome, coughing [still] and work, work, work. Banging up my knees and trying to be patient as they heal.
What I have been reading: Kim Harrison's latest.
What I have been writing: my novel. word count = 71,122 My partner and I have a 3000 word challenge to ourselves by next Monday [who's with us?]
What I have been knitting: Not much but I have a sleeve to finish on god daughter's sweater and another swap! Eek, only 6 weeks left on that swap. I am totally intimidated or something.
What I have been thinking: Why am I so tired? Tail end of illness or a bit of allergies? Did I actually ever like my job? What would it be like to have a job I liked? Is that even possible?
What I am planning for the immediate future: More biking, circle tonight, Y with wife tomorrow, OT for work Saturday night, concert on Sunday. Listen to Tara Brach dharma talks.

What I wish for us all: Rest and ease.

knitting, the purple scarf and selfishness

Yes, I have been knitting. But because it was a winter gift I couldn't mention it here. It would have totally been my luck that the one time I am counting on my wife to not remember my blog she does remembers it and reads it and then finds out about the gift I am making in secret for her.

Since I was driving myself crazy trying to keep a knitting secret from the person with which I live it seemed totally foolish to speak about it publicly until the soft fluffy thing was done.
Now at last it is done, she loves it and I can share freely. Of course it is just a scarf so it's not that fascinating. The Harlot's one row pattern scarf, 26 stitches for about 5 feet out of lavender yarn that I found at a thrift store in Palm Springs. The yarn is Caron; Vim and the label does not look new. 50% mohair and 50% orlon, I was sceptical for awhile, but the price was right, the feel nice and it all worked out.

This is the fourth scarf I have made for her since we met almost 7 years ago. Hopefully this one will stick around awhile, they like to go off traveling by themselves.

I need to do more selfish knitting that I can blog about freely. It would also help if I knitted faster. I see for the past year I have worked on 3 things, 2 in total secrecy and the other for my goddaughter. [but that is just another Tulips sweater and most knitters have seen hundreds of them] I was thinking something for me next but I probably have enough yarn for a matching hat, and we are probably going to do another mich fest swap and I really want to do a couple of blocks for the michigan afghan....none of this is leading up to me knitting myself something. Oh well the year has barely started.

you always remember your first... knitting swap PT 2

Finally I know my package has been receivied.

I have done other swaps with strangers before, the large BT list has an ornament swap that they do every year. [If you like kidlit or have little girls get yourself some Betsy/Tacy books asap, they are back in print] I have enjoyed it but stopped doing it after a few years, I got too many ornaments that I disliked and I felt bad because I didn't want them. So in order to have a more stress free life I decided it just wasn't for me.

In the years that have followed knitting related swaps have become legion, but I never did one. I resisted. Just like I resisted Ravelry "knitting cr@ck" they called it. But when knitting becomes entangled with MWMF my defenses go down. All due to Tanya, I joined Ravelry. [luckily she uses her powers for good: sock knitting at warp speed and sharing knitting joy with others] After she had reeled us all in to the Fest/Ravelry group she suggested a swap. It's been great.

Unlike my ornament exchanges you have a chance to 'read up' on your person thanks to elfster and ravelry. Our swap also had a limit of one skein, so certainly no sweaters...at least not that I could do in that time. I was able to find out her favorite colours and at least get an idea of items she does and does not go for...it was fun and taxing and cool all at once. Now the blue[ish] hat is in the mail and I am just hoping that it fits and that she likes and if she doesn't that she is a good liar and...

Not that it didn't have it's frustrations. She very simply stated that blue was her favorite color. Now blue is not a color I go towareds much at all but I found a fabulous hand painted skein of wool, sure it had bits of green and purple in it, but mainly blue. It wasn't 'me' but I could see it was beautiful. I didn't trust my judgement though, I took it home and showed it to my best friend, who is all about blue. She has ocean blue eyes and looks fabulous in blue and wears blue all the time. I showed her the skein and asked her what color it was? Blue and it's beautiful she said. I felt triumphant and started knitting, and darn it all the hand painted yumminess came together in a fabric that, well, could have been more blue. I tried though I really did. I wish I was faster and had the time to try again but the swap deadline had to be met.

I also have another reason for enjoying this swap. It seems likely I will be in India when all the women are cavorting in the MI woods at fest. I will miss MI so much this year. I hope what I made for my swapmate will be going to MI in her luggage.

You always remember your first...knitting swap PT 1

It's an emotional time in a knitter's life when she has done her first swap and I have just completed mine--at least my package is in the mail and I have gotten mine this past weekend.

It was a beautiful package. The outside of the box was decorated. The was a fest music mix CD, great chocolate and my beautiful knitted item. Everything was wrapped in cheerful tissue paper. Really, it was like opening a box of spring time. My scarf/necklet was knit from a lovely wool [in garnet] that I have heard of but never bought. I wish you all could feel how cozy and soft it is. I feel very spoiled [in the best way] by the giver, who is not blogless and you will see is an extremely creative and talented person.

I can only hope that my own recipient feels the same way about my box.

I know this is a stressful time for many not just me. The 2 shooting sprees this week show that in a horrible way. My stress feels puny [but still anxiety provoking] in the face of those who are worried about keeping their children fed and a roof over their heads.

It makes me more grateful for things like this swap and the chance to take part of it. Or Iowa's recent decision to legalize marriages between all adults. It is so wonderful to be able to remember kindness. It is lovely to reach out to strangers in a caring way. It is something be reminded that people can tend toward love and not because they fear retribution or punishment.

I feel blessed.

An Issue of Knitting

I recently cast on a '5 hour baby sweater' for a workmate whose baby is coming any minute. I knew it would probably take me longer than 5 hours but it would be quick enough. These are done on US 10.5 needles. I was using a double strand of sport weight yarn. [past tense indicating spoiler[

By the 6th row my hands were hurting, left more than right. I switch between continental and english styles of knitting, didn't seem to make a difference what style I was using. I was reminded of the bulky weight simple scarf I cast on last October when we had our weekend away. My hands started hurting then too, but then we came back to all the holiday hoopla and I promptly forgot all about it.

Within a 24 hour period I only did 12 rows and my hands were killing me, in fact my left thumb tingled for hours afterwards after quitting. Sunday I pulled it all out. I am totally bummed. First I have to let go of the idea of getting a sweater done for her. If I can't do it the quick and easy way it's just not going to happen. Second, I bought specific sale yarn in a color I never use [sage green] just for this project. I feel bad about 'wasting' the money. Third, why on earth do my hands hurt so much from trying to knit with bulky yarn?! Fourth, why do I feel bad about waste, when I had pure intentions and heck I cannot know the future. Fifth, I hate it when I am hard on myself, you know for being human.

I wasn't having this knit issue in 2007. I have a charity shawl on 13US needles that I work on occasionally, no problem. Heck I knitted about a dozen bulky novelty yarn scarves as favors for my wedding shower. My body has just changed. *sigh*

What else happened today? I had a 3 Novocaine shot visit to the dentist. Steady decluttering of CDs. Toseed some old make up which may not count as decluttering since I treated myself to some of my new favorite eye shadow. Still can't believe I have not only fallen in love with an eye shadow but I blog about it.

I had a great, yet surreal yoga class this evening [probably due to said novocaine]. I have managed to journal the past 2 days and it feels great. I am feeling a bit hopeful that since change will happen perhaps it will include me creating some patterns I earnestly desire. We'll see.

Is it really only Tuesday?